I dont' know what to do about my parents

[AbbeyDawn103]

HI! just a few days ago, I found out my dad is cheating on my mom. They have been married for more than thirty years, we are a family of 4, my older sister is right now working and living in Argentina, she's ten years my senior, I'm 25 years old. My parents were childhood sweethearts, they starting dating when they were 16, my mom told me one time that my dad was the only suitor that my grandparents, uncles and aunts accepted. I have always looked up to them, yes they are not perfect, they fight but then made up, recently they have been fighting for stupid things but then is as if nothing happened. A few days ago I was updating his phone bc a message keep popping and he told me to see it, and in one of the folder where he has games like ludo or domino, he had an app. HE HAD GRINDR!!!! And I said to myself, WTH is this!!

I know i should not have snoop in, but I felt so angry and confused that I had to see what in the hell was happening, OF he had a couple of chats on. He had been talking to some guys, and I saw that he was planning meeting up with one of them. Yesterday we had a family dinner in my grandpa house with my mom sisters and brothers, after eating since our house is like 5 min from there walking, a neighbor called him bc the water bomb was leaking and he had the key to that room, he went but it was like an hour I think o less, idk, but when he returned he had a different shirt, I said well he took a shower finally (We went to a basketball game before going to my grandpa's house, I took a shower immediately, he didn't), no biggie.

But at night when he was sleeping, I snooped again, I also saw the his profile said, married, no compromises, BI, and well after that I saw again the chats (Don't judge me) and saw that in one of the chats HE MET UP WITH ONE OF THE GUYS!! Literally the guy said, I LIKE IT and I was like, WHAT THE HECK DAD!!!! I'm not homophobic BTW, I do not care about if it was a guy or a woman, what I do care is the fact that he CHEATED!

I have always respected my parents, bc we have suffered many hardships as a family and we conquered them together. My mom is asthmatic and I'm diabetic, my dad is the one running from pharmacy to pharmacy looking for our medicine, he is the one who washes the clothes so my mom wouldn't be affected by the cleaning products odor, we had no electricity yesterday morning and he went looking for something for me to eat for breakfast, I mean he is no by any means a good dad but this is something that I did not see coming. I mean, he is even looking for his birth and christening certificate so he can renovate his and mom's votes, they are married legally but not by the church, mom do not care about that, she said after thirty and so years it doesn't matter but he wanted to anyway.

IDK what to do. I'm really close to my mom and I feel SO BAD knowing this and not telling her, but I'm afraid, what this could do to my family. My dad's mom fell in December and had a broken hip, right now she's recovering and we spend sometimes the whole weekend with her and the nurse, but she's fragile, she's 84 years old. So imagine if this blow up what could happen to her health, even my mom's health could suffer bc she suffers from hypertension too, strong emotions are a dangerous, like when my sugar levels go up if I'm crying o angry.

I'm a person who suffers from anxiety, like all day a lot of scenarios passes trough my head and I'm constantly alert mode. I get really nervous if one of my parents don't pick up the phone after 4 calls, or if my sister doesn't respond my message of a day ago. So knowing this is eating me, my mind is running with thousand of possibilities. I don't want to break up my family. I know that if this blow up my dad would be shunned, my mom's family would nothing to do with him, his own family too. He would end up alone, he lost his job so he has nothing to do besides keep the house clean and organized, we have sent his CV this year to a few companies, because he wants to contribute to the house, just yesterday we were talking and he feels like he is not contributing to our family and feels sad about that.

So, my problem here is, WHAT SHOULD I DO? Tell my mom? My dad? My sister? I don't know what to do. Should I send him a warning anonymously about meeting up with guys on an app and see if he recapacitate? Should I talk to him? This is something that I really do not want to do, like right now I'm getting like really bad anxious just thinking about talking to him about his cheating. And the same time I feel so BAD and GUILTY about not telling my mom, I feel like I am betraying her too for not saying something.

Please, if you have a similar experience, can you tell me what to do? Or what not to do? Or some ideas how to approach this situation

[ssomeonee123]

People here be thinking this is reddit lmao!

NTA. pfffttttt

no, but although i did not read the bible you wrote, I will say: if you can't trust your parents and you think that they are gonna be bitchy about it, then don't tell them. Like if they ain't gonna support you then what is the use of telling them? They are just gonna make you even more miserable

[Peek_A_Boo]

How do you know that he actually cheated instead of making freinds, i am not gay but i have met a lot of male friends online vs female, non sexual

[confusedturtle30]

People really dont read, to the first comment the poster isnt coming out his dad has been cheating. To the second commenter, grinder is a gay meeeting app like tinder and he literally said in the post his dadet the person. To the original poster, im older qnd in a long term rwlationship witth children. If it was my pattner i would want to kjow they were doing this behind my back. And if i knew my chile knew and didnt tell me then that would hurr me and make me feel made a fool of. But firstly u should gp to ur dad with what u hsve found and tell him it is better coming from him telling ur mum. If she chposee to stay with him then she cant blame you gor being the persob who has blown her life up. Secondlt if he dpesn thwn you have to. To stop your mum goint through this becaude u wont be able to even put it out ur head and ur rwlationsiop with ur dad will become ruined in the process. Also he shoulfnt expect his child to have to burden themself keeping secrets its not fair

[Peek_A_Boo]

@confusedturtle30 said in I dont' know what to do about my parents:

will

Im sorry, was you the guy he cheated on with? Til confirmed guilty, you can't just presume

[Heilmaus]

@AbbeyDawn103 it sounds like your in a tough spot ,I recommend you talk too a therapist (I am a free one I can offer help) and too look out about telling anyone because it could all backfire. if you want my help dm me or message me and then we can meet up online (I live Europe so I don’t know if you live there too)

[Heilmaus]

That doesn’t mean you have too tell that’s not what I’m saying but careful how you do it when and prepare so that you don’t make the message worse. Anyways I wish you good luck