Lost, Confused, and in Pain.



  • I have a MDD( Major Depressive Disorder) diagnosis, not that that should define anyone, I get severely derealized and I often feel like I'm losing my mind because of the overwhelming branching of thought and my capability to process and churn through philosophy, physics, abstract concepts, etc. People tell me I'm a genius but I'm not "productive" because I get tossed around by temporary modes of thinking and interests. None of my observations and opinions last and anything I start I can't commit to. I supposedly have a "massive potential to change the world" but that phrase alone can trigger another neverending chapter of the philosophy of life and values and whatever ๐Ÿ™„. I don't take myself or anyone else seriously, I have severe trust issues. I used to be a therapist, received therapy, used to take different medications which I absolutely hated. I have more life experience, knowledge, and talent packed into my brain than needed so it plagues me. I try to do whatever I can to cope but I am in alot of physical pain on and off, somehow stemming from my brain and I've been suicidal far too many times to count. The list of ideas and things to mention goes on and on. Idk what the purpose of bringing this here was but I'm drunk and desperate. I act like a normal person who can focus and do math and function properly when I drink which ironically and sadly says alot about my mental capabilities. Drugs and alcohol also haven't helped. Well I'm a little drunk rn but I'm not in a good mood exactly and it only makes me wanna drink more which is not a solution. Ive thought about it being a solution before tho ๐Ÿ’€



  • @Existential props to me for being somewhat articulate despite being intoxicated


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