• We both know it's you.
    Can you for once let it fall please?
    I'm not recriminating you nothing. And you know damn well that I could do so.
    I love you.
    I simply would like to stop wasting time, at least more time than it already has been.
    But it's somehow difficult when you keep entering and getting out, always trying to disguise yourself, and always trying also to let me know it's you. I tried to tell this to you, I tried to protect you from what I knew would hurt you more than what I did. & you know damn well that it's me who lost the most in this situation. And I STILL love YOU.
    I do not know how to go on.
    So I'm just going to ask you to please write to me.
    This is really not going to work this way B. You are not only hurting me, you are also hurting yourself. And I do not want to be a part in THAT.
    Please, can you call up a truce?
    You know that I love you, and I know that you love me.
    You want me to do some personal sacrifice? Already did: jumped of the train, remember that? Even THEN, I cared so fucking much for you that I prefered to kill myself rather than be the one to hurt you. With the surveillance you had on me, YOU know damn well it's the truth.
    So, could you just let it go please? We both know that you will do so eventually: you did not cross the damned ocean to just snob me.
    Look, I am sorry, and you are sorry. What ELSE are you waiting for? If you need me to say that it's all my fault, fine. I chose to DIE rather than hurt you, do you really think that it's my damned pride that's standing in the way?
    Ok, I know not how to proceed here. I can't read minds, you know? You really want to make me suffer?
    Just because I said "no"?
    Well, it is up to you. I can't bloody well simply pick up the phone and call any number and say "Yeah, I know that whoever picks up, it's you B, so cut the crap and answer the damned line please" It's rather silly don't you think?
    You don't like the situation. Fine, I do not like it NEITHER.
    But instead of throwing at your face all my suffering, I am telling you that I LOVE YOU. One day you will make the step, simply because I have no way of doing it myself B. Unless I get the last heart attack first, that is.
    Look, is that what you really want? For me to die?
    I'm not joking around, and you know it.
    Do you really want me to die?
    One day we will have to both acknowledge that it's a rotten past, but it's still OUR rotten past. And I STILL LOVE YOU.
    Would you have preferred it if I were to have told you about Erica? You would have stopped then? You would have simply turned away, and seek another more deserving? I've no damned idea of how we got to this situation B. None at all. I only know that when I TRIED to talk to you, you kept on lying. & I tried MANY times. You want to deny it? Do so. But you KNOW. You know that you kept on telling me that I was nuts, that you had NO idea of what was I talking about, that surely I wasn't telling "you" that you had started to spy on me like a , and I QUOTE YOU HERE, "like a damned stalker obssessed", end of quote. YOUR words, not mine. I told you, if you need me to say all the fault is mone, then I'm game. I LOVE you damned it. & I had been inlove with you since the same time that you fell inlove with me, more or less. & Erica almost killed me for it. I do not want to be with any other woman, I want to be with YOU. I give a shit if you did all "this", as long as we can get a fresh start, it's alright to me. But when you hurt me, you hurt yourself. We both know this much. & you make me an accomplice to YOUR pain, please B. Just write to me, OK? I promised you that I would never hurt you, and so far I kept my word. Do not do this. You have to see that his will poison ALL our future. Yes, OURS. None of us will renounce to the other, we both know this much by now. You can either decide for us to keep on existing separatedly, or to live together. I can not "force you", and you know damn well the reason why. I told you this much, ovre twenty YEARS AGO. & you also know damn well it's not an info I tell to the first whom crosses my path.
    Could you please give it a thought B?
    I too have mixed feelings for you damn it!!And I am NOT comfortable with them. That TOO, you also know as well as I do.
    I only ask of you to think it carefully please: if you truly solely want to "punish me", and nothing more, then keep up the good work. A little too masochistic for my tastes, but maybe you like to suffer. But in my opinion, you know, as well as I do, that we will end up together. That we can not not share the rest of our life, as ONE life, together. That's why all this is so damn silly: we both know how this will end. It would seem the most sensible suggestion to reduce the time we are not together to the minimum. Can't you see that I really do not care about the damned money for fuck sake? OK, so what is it that YOU want? Instead of buying me to my shitty biological family, to buy me directly to myself?Don't you see how this WILL poison our relationship B? Why can't you simply let it go?
    You prefer for me to make a fucking LIST?
    Of all that I "lost" because of "this"?
    Ok, one question first then: are you going to live with me?
    So we will not be together?
    You REALLY did ALL this, just to screw me ten times over? I do not wan your money.
    I love you.
    If you truly do not care, then just go away.
    So now YOU decide whether I love you or not too?
    Well, get LOST.
    I bet you will find some other moron. Some whom will be interested in the money instead of in YOU. & I can't even insult you for fuck sake!

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