• My family never talked to us about sex. I was raped by a 16 year old at 14 when I lost my virginity and he blew me off laughing afterwards. Later a college boy gave me herpes at 16 and blew me off afterwards. I lived in a small town and when I told my bestfriend she told someone and the whole school found out. I moved away and had a child with an idiot at 20 but at least he was nice. We split because he was too dumb though. He got with a young psycho that harassed me at least a couple times a month. She pretends to be him and makes me out to be some horrible person I am not. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after my first grand mal seizure and was having horrible seizures around my period every month for years. My memory from this time is shot. I can't drive. I have no family where I live. It gets more expensive every year. I just left my ex in September after 5 years because he was a grouch and couldn't keep a job. But because I'm screwed up I let him stay in my place in my bed while I slept on the couch. My alcoholic father is dying from liver failure and my mother hides her wine but insists she doesn't have a problem. She feels like shit every day. Therapy is helping but damn. I say it could be worse and that helps me be grateful.

  • @leelah DHARMA - Sanskrit for cosmic harmony and the realization, pursuit, and fulfillment of our purposeful existence.


  • @leelah Have you ever heard the old saying about how sometimes life gives you lemons? Generally the follow up to that would be to make lemonade. I think in your particular situation it SHOULD'VE been squirt lemon juice in his eyes.

  • @leelah And I consider myself a more...passive individual. Desperate times call for desperate measures, it often seems, yes? Oh, and I wanted to offer you some words of assurance. Left the meaning of Dharma for you to take assurance from, or not. What someone makes of something should be their own choice. Be well. ~Lazz

  • @leelah I can not even image all you've been through. My takeaway from your story is that things ARE turning around. That's you. Your choices, you're decisions. Your control. Destiny awaits.

  • @leelah I believe the appropriate response to that is: YOU GO, GIRL!

  • You've been through a hell of a lot. It seems that through it all you have stayed a good and kind person and that speaks volumes, it's amazing.

    You are not remotely ugly and your kindness only emphasises that. I hope someone good sees that in you and that things turn around very soon. You deserve it.

  • @Matt_Aranha thanks Matt, I am just realizing this too and healing.

  • Damn girl you've been through a lot! I wish there were someone to support you at that time and you woulda talked to your parents about it. I hope you realize how precious and beautiful you are..just don't give up on yourself remember the reason you're still holding on. Don't give up! I think you should file a complaint against that jerk...and don't care about the consequences the fucker deserves it. If you remain silent he would get away with this easily, just like most of the abusers do. I wish my words could change your past but alas all they can do is provide solace.
    Remember you are amazing!

  • @leelah cmon you don't deserve idiot losers. I hope you find someone special who knows how to treat you right and loves you. I'm sure your daughter will grow up to be a strong woman. Not trying to sound nosy or something but its never too late.. I'm sure you aren't the only one he must have abused thus for yourself and all the other women you must file a complaint against him. Nobody deserves to be used like a rag doll and then thrown away! He must be punished for his deeds. I think his wife and daughters deserve to know what he truly is.

  • @Anastasia-Smith I will look up how to file a complaint. I just don't have any evidence and what can they do 17 years later anyway.

  • Thanks for the nice comments

  • @leelah Happiness is a choice. you should start moving on and not delve too much in the past. Whatever makes you sad, forget them/ignore them/throw them away.

    Why not start making happy stories?go out and have fun

  • @Sybaritee you seem angry

  • @leelah You've got a lot to process, work through and overcome. Hopefully won't let your past take away your potential future. Use all your yesterdays to build only good tomorrows

  • @Lazz I've been in therapy for awhile and it has changed my life. It is the only reason I can share this.

  • @Sybaritee thank you for sharing your opinion. I understand why you have it and you're right to share it. You're not being very kind but it seems you have good intentions.

  • @Lazz you have been very nice. I really appreciate your good advice. I'm growing everyday and feel I'm better than I am the day before.

  • Lol that not being kind thats the psychopath 😂

  • @Sybaritee I understand

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