How to recognize the right one?

[Lurker]

@petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

No, it is more like... It is like... Maybe you do feel incomplete right now. Maybe you don't but through the experience you realize you definitely were incomplete. And now, like when you feel her presence, you suddenly feel like you need nothing in the world anymore. Like all needs are gone. Like you are complete. At least on a worldly level. You also don't feel that burning desire (only when you don't feel her presence), you feel fulfilled. Kinda happy. But mostly fulfilled. Or rather complete. Like a part of you that was always missing is now there.

Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense

@petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

No no, this is not a feeling. This is my idea of marriage, it is something I and her together can do.

I was just asking cuz that extreme idea of yours is a thing that is always present in my relationships but it's also something that vanishes eventually if a new person shows up, so it's not specia and bound to a single person.

[pe7erpark3r]

@Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense

Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?

[Lurker]

@petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

@Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense

Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?

I know what you mean and the 1st one felt 100% when i was in it, but then the next one felt 100% and when you thought about the differences and such, I feel the 2nd one feels much more home

[pe7erpark3r]

@Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

@petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

@Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense

Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?

I know what you mean and the 1st one felt 100% when i was in it, but then the next one felt 100% and when you thought about the differences and such, I feel the 2nd one feels much more home

So you did feel completed... but did not know that you could feel still more complete? Hmm. Difficult then...

[pe7erpark3r]

@OliveOlivia said in How to recognize the right one?:

@petrapark3r There will always be someone more good looking, more smart, and other things, and though the person you think is the one may not be perfect, they will feel perfect to you. They may not be the best looking, but they will look the best in your eyes.

I kind of hope that it would be like that. And I hope that you personally, in a subjective sense, will experience it this way. But my spidersense tingles... In all honesty I believe that the one will not feel perfect, or look perfect – and I'm rather certain that there are many relationships where this is the case. But...

The relationship will not be perfect, but its the only one you want to be in. That's what I think the one is

I can fully agree with this. You'll want no other. You'll know he's the right one. You don't need someone better looking, or smarter, or more romantic, because when you're really close to them, you feel all those needs just disappear and you're content to have just him, just the one. Finally found him, finally at home...

[pe7erpark3r]

@DAD_ said in How to recognize the right one?:

@petrapark3r

Nothing lasts forever. Especially sexual Love.
But what stays with you till your last breathe is Respect.

Agreed that physical attraction, the sexual side of love will eventually fade. But I'm not so sure that only respect would remain. I can imagine tenderness to stay, a pleasure in the other's presence, maybe even devotion... Well, like, all the other things that make up love, apart from sexual interaction...

Instead of wasting your energy and time in finding 'the one'
Strive to become a person, who can be respected.
Who knows his priorities in life.
Who has control over himself, emotionally and physically.
And who, is capable of being loved.

Well said.

And when that morbid realisation strikes, that 'they are not the one.'

You will not find Mr. Perfect walking this earth, and the one you may think is Mr. Perfect will turn out not to be for sure, yeah...

I don't think it has to. I hope I have made it clear that I do not understand the one to be Mr. Perfect.

Then begin to love their uniqueness. While maintaining, your standards and priorities in life.
This is one test, to not only decide your love for them, but also what you, as a person really are..
Because if you truly ever loved them, then you would respect them, till the worlds end.
And if you leave them, at this point. Then my friend, you are nothing but a person driven by his hormones, who falls for the first thick ass he sees.
: )

Agreed, affection, tenderness and all those other things won't always be there. You cannot rely on them to carry you through. Love is what you do, when no good feelings drive you anymore.

But I don't think they have to die completely. In fact I'm rather certain you can keep them alive. Not in every hour, maybe not every day. But I think they should be there in a real marriage...

[pe7erpark3r]

I thought I should make an update on the treacherous list because a few things came up so far:

• someone who's not your partner seems better ("is he the one?")
• not being able to stop thinking about them
• wanting to be with them as often as possible
• not getting mad with them for treating you like shit or doing things you don't like
• he's deflowered you
• you married him prematurely
  (premature marriages tend to be invalid and can be nullified even by the catholic church )
• you have already invested a lot (or should I say invested too much to leave?)

Heck I even believe that you can fall in love with someone other than your husband, while you're married, and that does not tell you, that your husband isn't the right one.

Did you know that priests, and I mean the faithful ones, those that don't father one kid after the other , tend to fall in love with women multiple times through their life? It is human to fall in love. It does not mean that your life's choice was wrong...

[pe7erpark3r]

@petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

@OliveOlivia said in How to recognize the right one?:

@petrapark3r There will always be someone more good looking, more smart, and other things, and though the person you think is the one may not be perfect, they will feel perfect to you. They may not be the best looking, but they will look the best in your eyes.

I kind of hope that it would be like that. And I hope that you personally, in a subjective sense, will experience it this way. But my spidersense tingles... In all honesty I believe that the one will not feel perfect, or look perfect – and I'm rather certain that there are many relationships where this is the case. But...

Let me add something to that... maybe you've heard of marriage preparation courses (churches offer those sometimes... sometimes they are good... sometimes they are pretty shit, but I'm talking about the good ones). People there tell you, that you should be together (not living together...) at least 1½ years before getting married. Because that is the time, when the "pink glasses" have worn off and you see all the mistakes and imperfections and they have started to annoy you too. If then you still want to spend your life with that person, and I mean really want it and not just stay in the relationship, because you have already invested too much, then marrying might be actually the right decision...

The relationship will not be perfect, but its the only one you want to be in. That's what I think the one is

I can fully agree with this. You'll want no other. You'll know he's the right one. You don't need someone better looking, or smarter, or more romantic, because when you're really close to them, you feel all those needs just disappear and you're content to have just him, just the one. Finally found him, finally at home...

Yeah, this. Having slept over it, I think I'd say things more carefully. I'd say there will propably be enough days in any relationship, where you don't feel content to have him. But in general, and especially in the good moments, when you're open to hear your heart speak, you will hear it say just that: that you're at home with this person...

[pe7erpark3r]

@OliveOlivia said in How to recognize the right one?:

@petrapark3r There will always be someone more good looking, more smart, and other things, and though the person you think is the one may not be perfect, they will feel perfect to you. They may not be the best looking, but they will look the best in your eyes. The relationship will not be perfect, but its the only one you want to be in. That's what I think the one is

Hmm, I think I get what you mean now. Does the following sound right?:

When you feel connected to the one, you feel kind of satisfied, like you don't need anything else in the world (like you dont need to compare), like being with him is simply enough.

[OliveOlivia]

@petrapark3r yeah, or more than enough