Posts made by KurdtsTurds

Well, I did it. I pushed myself to do something. I did some grocery shopping and I'm unproportionally proud that I did.
It's ridiculous that something so easy and ordinary is something I'm proud of doing...

@aarumugam1999 :woman_shrugging_medium-light_skin_tone: doesn't matter

@aarumugam1999 just because

Like I said. A loser. My interests are whatever your interests may be. I can philosophise about literally anything. I like doing that, philosophising. Deeper conversations are preferred, but you can take the convo wherever you like.

I want to start this off by saying the following:
I'm sorry that this is so long. I'm going through shit right now, so I really need to get some of my positive stuff out to try and turn my mood around.

• Playing music.
  Bass guitar, drums, guitar, piano, harmonica, ukulele or singing.

• Listening to music
  (Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Soundgarden, the Melvins, The Doors, Jeff Buckley, Simon & Garfunkel, Crosby Stills Nash & Young, The Beatles, The Kinks, Stevie Wonder... etc.)

• Writing.
  Mostly poems, stories or songs.

• Drawing.
  Mostly intrusive thoughts, so it often gets very graphic and creepy.

• Reading.
  Currently reading some Friedrich Nietzsche

• Astronomy.
  Although I have a shitty telescope, I absolutely love attempting to stargaze. Love learning about the universe anyways.

• Driving.
  I love going on long roadtrips. I love cars in general. I'm a bit of a petrolhead.

• Longboarding.
  Just rolling around on my board without a care in the world, breeze on my face and the sun keeping me warm.

• Does drinking count? lmao
  Seriously, I love beer

• Cycling.
  Nothing too intense. Sometimes it's just the best thing ever to travel around a bit and absorb nearby scenery.

That was all, thanks for reading :^)

It's one of those times again. It's either this whole staying-inside-shit or just my own fucking head, but I feel like all hell has broken loose once again in that horrible brain of mine.

I can't bring myself to do anything of importance, I can't bring myself to eat, drink or sleep, I can't bring myself to articulate my issues in real life to the people who matter. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to fucking exist. I don't want people to care. I don't want to care.

I feel weak. Every time I stand up, I get dizzy and I feel lightheaded. Every step I take feels like I might collapse. My head is foggy, vision like tv-static, movement slow and everything's numb. I honestly wish I had the nerve to kill myself run away. But unfortunately, people care about me and unfortunately, I don't want to hurt them.

I feel like I'm going insane. Completely bonkers. Totally crazy. I want to punch a wall 'till my knuckles are pushed back into my arm. I want to tear my abdomen open and pull my goddamn polycystic ovaries out. I want to starve myself 'till I slip into a coma. I want to throw myself off a building, regret it all the way down and then have my insides splattered all over the tarmac below.

:middle_finger_medium-light_skin_tone: :middle_finger_medium-light_skin_tone: :middle_finger_medium-light_skin_tone:

fuck my brain