I've wanted to buy my own home since I was 10yrs old. Family laughed at me saving my pocket money for it. Now I'm in my early thirties, I've worked full time minimum wage for a decade and I know it will never be possible. I'm going to work my ass off until I'm too old and then I get to slowly lose my health and mind until life is finally over

To give you some more context. My partner and I are both very shy and socially awkward people. When we got together neither of us had been in a serious relationship before. I felt a kindred spirit and fell in love pretty quickly. He is my best friend.
He was a university student and we both were living with our parents.
We discussed the future. The plan was that once he has finished his degree we would look at the possibility of buying a house first and then getting married.
4 years ago we finally moved in together and 2 years ago he finished his degree and got a full time job.
7 years seems to be a long time for most couples I've seen online but it goes by so quickly. I dont think a year or 2 is enough time to fully know a person. The last 4 years have gone by in a blur.
A year ago we looked at houses and put in an offer but the sale fell through and that dream has gotten further and further out of reach.
I brought up the conversation of us getting engaged several months ago and he was on board. I sent pictures of rings I liked.
Communication is our biggest flaw. We struggle to talk openly when there is fear of upsetting the other person. I have considered that he doesn't want to get engaged and is worried about admitting that. The last time I tried bringing it up he said he wasnt sure how to be romantic and I was clear that I dont need anything special.
I worry I am just being selfish

I've decided I'm going to buy myself a ring and ask him if he want to be my fiance. I don't know how he is going to react but I dont want to wait around crying over it anymore

To give you some more context. My partner and I are both very shy and socially awkward people. When we got together neither of us had been in a serious relationship before. I felt a kindred spirit and fell in love pretty quickly. He is my best friend.
He was a university student and we both were living with our parents.
We discussed the future. The plan was that once he has finished his degree we would look at the possibility of buying a house first and then getting married.
4 years ago we finally moved in together and 2 years ago he finished his degree and got a full time job.
7 years seems to be a long time for most couples I've seen online but it goes by so quickly. I dont think a year or 2 is enough time to fully know a person. The last 4 years have gone by in a blur.
A year ago we looked at houses and put in an offer but the sale fell through and that dream has gotten further and further out of reach.
I brought up the conversation of us getting engaged several months ago and he was on board. I sent pictures of rings I liked.
Communication is our biggest flaw. We struggle to talk openly when there is fear of upsetting the other person. I have considered that he doesn't want to get engaged and is worried about admitting that. The last time I tried bringing it up he said he wasnt sure how to be romantic and I was clear that I dont need anything special.
I worry I am just being selfish

@pretiravati thank you. It is hard to k ow where to begin

@IM2Tata I know what it's like to feel lonely even when you have people around you. I wish I was closer with my family but it is too late to build a relationship with my parents.

@dorkwujjle it's a really fucked up world we live in

I've decided I'm going to buy myself a ring and ask him if he want to be my fiance. I don't know how he is going to react but I dont want to wait around crying over it anymore

I dont want to lie awake crying at 2am.
I wish I had one friend to talk to

I tried talking to a therapist and they asked me to look at the positives and list the things I'm grateful for. I dont want advise like that. I just want to get my feelings off my chest

He is the only thing I have to live for

All my friends are getting married. My partner of 7 years won't propose to me. I dont know why

I'm just tired, I dont want to grind every day just to survive, I want more