We accidentally disconnected, my name is Kelsey (spelled Kelcea) message me back so we can re-connect.

aGirlHasNoName
@aGirlHasNoName
Iβm a Gemini βοΈ
My blood type is A+ π©Έ
My birth stone is a pearl π
Iβm born in the year of the monkey π
My Meyers-Briggs personality is INFJ-T
Occupation ββ> SAHM, artist, poet, writer, and musician
Education ββ> I have 5 years of community college classes, but no degree (maybe someday Iβll get a degree in entomology, biology, art or English)
Nationality ββ> 59.5% British & Irish, 28.7 German, and 1.2% Scandinavian
Quote of Mine ββ> βno worries!β
Gender ββ> gender questioning
Horoscope ββ> Gemini βοΈ
Birthday ββ> June 9th
Relationship Status ββ> unhappily married
Hobbies ββ> cooking, drawing, writing, D.I.Y. projects, watching movies cartoons and anime/manga, yoga/meditation, swimming, gardening, and sleeping
Religion ββ> informally pagan
Languages ββ> English and ASL (American Sign Language π€)
Sports ββ> I watch the olympics? Also I love to hike and swim
Interests ββ> cooking, fine dining, minimalism, interior design, gardening, hiking, swimming, caring for my pets, Japan, travel, journaling, self-help and personal growth.
Skin Tone ββ> pale peach π with neutral undertones
Best TWS Friend ββ> none yet
TWS Activeness ββ> weekly
Eye Color ββ> mermaid green/blue
Biggest Dream ββ> become an accomplished writer/artist/creator
Favorite Bands ββ> Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox Twenty, Blink-182, Angels and Airwaves, Bad Suns, Imogen Heap, Lauv, Bastille, Panic! At The Disco, The Chainsmokers, The 1975, Marshmello, Post Malone, Halsey, Daft Punk, The Maine
Best posts made by aGirlHasNoName
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Ozwayne? (17 y/o) is that you?
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Samantha 17 Holland
Samantha 17 in Holland
Looking for you hun, we disconnected accidentally. Still here hoping to chat with you. It was so nice to meet you. Hope to hear from you soonπ -
Seeking advice, kind words, a bright side...
Hello.
Im married with a 4-year old son.
I have a house, a car, a dog, two cats, and a couple fish. (On the surface I have everything someone should need to feel accomplished)But I do not feel joy. Nor warmth, nor compassion. I feel alone, and in pain.
I am unemployed. I have severe depression, where I can not get out of bed. I have had an eating disorder since I was small to cope with bullying and abuse for my weight. I used food as a crutch to feel comfortable somehow. Iβve felt wrong in my own skin for as long as I can remember. I am in a relationship where I feel alone, misunderstood, and ugly. I came out of the closet as PANsexual this past Christmas and feel completely misunderstood for finally admitting who I was, and have been since I was small.
I lay here in bed, at 1:30am next to my sleeping husband and my dog, awake and unable to sleep. Itβs raining outside and I stare out on the wet road outside my bedroom window. A familiar longing aches inside me, to walk out into the cold rain and walk away. Away where? I donβt know, just somewhere I wonβt hurt anymore. I hate myself for feeling pain, I hate myself for feeling hunger, I hate myself for existing... so much hatred for myself. I just want to disappear.
For the past 4 years I havenβt killed myself because I have a son, he was my reason to not die. He needed me. Over the past month Iβve been bedridden with covid-19. And during that time my 4 year old had his dad looking out for him, I slept and tried to get better. As I tried to engage with my son after I finally started to get well. He was defiant, calling me daddy not mommy. Saying no constantly and whining instead of talking. It became overwhelming. So Iβd find my way back to my bedroom and hide under the covers and either weep or sleep. After a while I didnβt feel sick anymore from covid19. But depression swept me under its dark wave fully. Cold and heavy and powerful, it pulled me down with its gravity. Here I sit.
My son just had his 4th birthday this week. I feel as though he doesnβt need me at all. His dad took care of him while I was sick. I canβt even do basic stuff in the morning like shower or dress myself, let alone care for my child. Iβm grateful I have my husband to care for my son. I feel like a burden, eating when my husband brings me food, but otherwise remaining in bed. Iβm too much of a coward to actually go through with killing myself, but the want to disappear and make the pain stop is only growing. Iβm afraid of pain, but death is becoming more and more attractive.
I wouldnβt have to deal with the pain of being lonely even beside my spouse, feeling ugly and heavy and unable to change, feeling lost and misunderstood, having a child who has forgotten who I am and only defies me. I wouldnβt have to wake up and sigh and be disappointed that I woke up.
I donβt know why Iβm putting all this here.
Maybe for some compassion?
Maybe for a suggestion that doesnβt involve killing myself?I feel cemented in this unhappy life. I feel heavy and cold and numb. I donβt know if I can stop it, but I want out.
Help.
Latest posts made by aGirlHasNoName
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Seeking advice, kind words, a bright side...
Hello.
Im married with a 4-year old son.
I have a house, a car, a dog, two cats, and a couple fish. (On the surface I have everything someone should need to feel accomplished)But I do not feel joy. Nor warmth, nor compassion. I feel alone, and in pain.
I am unemployed. I have severe depression, where I can not get out of bed. I have had an eating disorder since I was small to cope with bullying and abuse for my weight. I used food as a crutch to feel comfortable somehow. Iβve felt wrong in my own skin for as long as I can remember. I am in a relationship where I feel alone, misunderstood, and ugly. I came out of the closet as PANsexual this past Christmas and feel completely misunderstood for finally admitting who I was, and have been since I was small.
I lay here in bed, at 1:30am next to my sleeping husband and my dog, awake and unable to sleep. Itβs raining outside and I stare out on the wet road outside my bedroom window. A familiar longing aches inside me, to walk out into the cold rain and walk away. Away where? I donβt know, just somewhere I wonβt hurt anymore. I hate myself for feeling pain, I hate myself for feeling hunger, I hate myself for existing... so much hatred for myself. I just want to disappear.
For the past 4 years I havenβt killed myself because I have a son, he was my reason to not die. He needed me. Over the past month Iβve been bedridden with covid-19. And during that time my 4 year old had his dad looking out for him, I slept and tried to get better. As I tried to engage with my son after I finally started to get well. He was defiant, calling me daddy not mommy. Saying no constantly and whining instead of talking. It became overwhelming. So Iβd find my way back to my bedroom and hide under the covers and either weep or sleep. After a while I didnβt feel sick anymore from covid19. But depression swept me under its dark wave fully. Cold and heavy and powerful, it pulled me down with its gravity. Here I sit.
My son just had his 4th birthday this week. I feel as though he doesnβt need me at all. His dad took care of him while I was sick. I canβt even do basic stuff in the morning like shower or dress myself, let alone care for my child. Iβm grateful I have my husband to care for my son. I feel like a burden, eating when my husband brings me food, but otherwise remaining in bed. Iβm too much of a coward to actually go through with killing myself, but the want to disappear and make the pain stop is only growing. Iβm afraid of pain, but death is becoming more and more attractive.
I wouldnβt have to deal with the pain of being lonely even beside my spouse, feeling ugly and heavy and unable to change, feeling lost and misunderstood, having a child who has forgotten who I am and only defies me. I wouldnβt have to wake up and sigh and be disappointed that I woke up.
I donβt know why Iβm putting all this here.
Maybe for some compassion?
Maybe for a suggestion that doesnβt involve killing myself?I feel cemented in this unhappy life. I feel heavy and cold and numb. I donβt know if I can stop it, but I want out.
Help.
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RE: Samantha 17 Holland
@WhiteChocolate hello there ππ»ππ
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RE: Samantha 17 Holland
@Dante-M Iβm looking for someone who lives in Holland named Samantha, she and I got disconnected
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RE: What is your spirit Animal?
Iβd say if I was any animal Iβd want to be a red panda, the red fox meets a panda and thus the cutest thing in the world is born
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RE: Kelsea message me when you see this
Hey oz! So glad I reconnected with you
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Samantha 17 Holland
Samantha 17 in Holland
Looking for you hun, we disconnected accidentally. Still here hoping to chat with you. It was so nice to meet you. Hope to hear from you soonπ -
Ozwayne? (17 y/o) is that you?
We accidentally disconnected, my name is Kelsey (spelled Kelcea) message me back so we can re-connect.