Kicked my wife's friend out. am I wrong

[losingmymind]

We are a lesbian couple together 12 years married 6. i work away from home a lot so try to give her as much freedom as possible. about 3 months ago whilst I was away. her straight friend of less than a year broke up with her husband . my wife invited her and her 2 kids to stay in our house and I only found out after. I was not to happy. but figured it was only for a short while. in the mean time my wife became distant . I call every day and felt like she doesn't want to talk to me.I ask when is the woman moving out but the answer was always she is looking. so 2 months later I get home they are still there. I just think they not going to move out why would they. free home free satellite tv free internet even a free maid. I keep asking my wife what is happening and she gets defensive. I think hang on something is going on so by now we are in a big fight and I accuse her of having an affair. she gets mad storms out and later via message she says she did love me but now it's more like a friendship. I completely lose it and tell her I want the woman out our house immediately. she is mad with me she says the woman is straight. I said but the point is we are not. she says I'm wrong for kicking her out . I recon I wasn't asked in the first place and the woman being there is negatively affecting our marriage and she is not our problem. nor is where she is going to live . I just know it's not in my house at my families expense. we just adopted a child 1 year ago. my wife has cut off all her other friends and and only hangs out with this woman . strange to me. my wife has even gone to court with this woman to help her with her divorce. I hardly know the woman and have never met her husband who she constantly bad mouths. She makes him out to be such a bad guy. but I don't know for all I know her stories are bull and he is actually a good person . but honestly I don't care. I just want this woman to disappear. even after kicking her out my wife still remains her friend and says they have done nothing wrong so she won't stop being her friend

[[[global:former-user]]]

1.you work away from home a lot,which makes you emotionally and physically unavailable a lot.
2.u give her as much freesom as possible-good,but sometimes its the companionship thats needed the most.
's part.
4.u accused her of having an affair without concrete proof -are you out of ur mind??u pull such stunts only if u really want a divorce....u r bloody wrong
5.u adopted a child 1 year ago...and u r never around coz u work away ?u know how much help u need with a child ...that might have been the first trigger for becoming distant with you.
6.ur wife goes to court with this woman..because this woman is a divorcee with 2 kids..ur wife relates with her situation...comeone r u telling me u really dont understand this.
they identify with eachother on the grounds of loveless marraige and divorce and kids,..would u accuse her of having an affair if both of them were straight?or are u saying lesbians can never have a friendship with other girls without having sex with them?..geeezzzzzz....
7.she wont stop being friends with her?-do u mean to say she has to cut off her friendship bcoz u r insecure???

that woman is not the problem..u have realised ur marraige is falling apart long before that and u also know the reason for that..that is why you started this paragraph by saying 'i work away from home a lot'...and u know u havent been really a good wife to ur wife recently wich makes your heart filled with insecurity and doubt and makes you accuse the love of ur life of 12 yrs of an affair....this is such a shame.

[losingmymind]

@khaleezi91 before this woman moved in to our house we where still good. Good communication. Good sex . she would wait excitedly for my daily video calls. I have worked away often for a while and admit it is not ideal. but my wife cannot get a job and we were not able to pay our bills on my salary at home so we both decided together that it was the right desktop . I admit accusing her of an affair was not one of my finest moments. when we started the adoption process whilst I already work away and my wife was insistent that this is what she wanted. I asked her over and over are you sure. you know I am not there all the time to help. she said yes.she wants to be a mother more than anything in the world

[losingmymind]

@losingmymind I do want her to have friends. I am not saying a lesbian can't be friends with a girl . I just don't think it's right that they move in to another person's house. same as straight couples can have platonic friends of another sex. but if a woman invited a male friend to stay at their house whilst he is away on business and on top of it he gets home and the guy is still there. I'm sure he won't be impressed either. I'm not saying I handled the problem well. hell no I let fear and anger get the best of me and stuffed that up properly. I just fail to see why a woman I hardly know and my wife knows for less than a year gets to stay in our house free .

[losingmymind]

@losingmymind also I don't know where you are from and what things are like there. but we live in South Africa . jobs are very hard to come by and it is even harder to find a job that pays a livable income. she has had a few jobs and they paid awful. I used to work 2 jobs and we still could not pay our bills.

[losingmymind]

@losingmymind sorry for all the ad ons. I also wanted to say. my wife and child are the most important things in the world to me. I have asked her to go to couples counseling with me. she has agreed . I have offered to pay for her to study to try get a good job. I have done so many times and I offered again . I told her if she studies something and does leave me still . at least I know she has a better chance. and if she studies and doesn't leave me then we can both get semi decent jobs and we can afford for me to work at home. she has not answered me. I want nothing more than to be home with my family every day and night. it kills me that I have to be away. but I also have to provide for my family.

[[[global:former-user]]]

@losingmymind i am sorry..for being so blunt

[losingmymind]

@khaleezi91 it's ok. I just am very hurt by the whole story and don't trust or like this woman . all our friends say since this woman has moved in to our house they also never hear or see my wife. so It has added to my fears. I know my wife has not had sex with this woman but I don't trust this woman and her husband left her and put a report in at there divorce proceedings saying he is leaving his wife cause she is having an affair with my wife. I feel insecure and emotional and I will be the first to admit that I have said something in a very wrong manner

[losingmymind]

@losingmymind I know it is hard to be alone with a child. I pay to send him to a private pe primary school which he loves and pay someone to come and clean and do laundry twice a week so my wife can ride her bike go to shops and gym and have time to go have coffee and visit friends

[[[global:former-user]]]

@losingmymind regarding ur wife bringing someone else into your house without disussing with you is wrong...i agree with it.
"pay someone to come and clean and do laundry twice a week so my wife can ride her bike go to shops and gym and have time to go have coffee and visit friends"

this sentence makes me feel like u r complaining about the fact that u r working while she having a good time with no care in the world.
i hope u havent used this same sentence with ur wife..because thats going to make her feel useless and thats a big kick on the crotch of her self esteem.
this is like indirectly telling her how she is wasting away ur money while u r denied of all those happiness elements and u r working hard.
if u have this kind of complex...thats is the most sharpest knife thats going to murder ur married life.

may be u can find a job that pays less and do less spending on shopping and gyms and stuffs and more on spending time with eachother.

looks like u r very unhappy with how life is going on for you...this will lead to disaster..until u find a way to deal with it.

also a family is not a one persons job...its something that is made by two people who love eachother and the fruits of their love...from everything u have said ..it makes me feel like u r taking all the credit and i think u feel u have the right to take it because u r the one who is providing financial support to them.

u r miserable and u r taking it out on others...u must find a way to make urself happy...may be move from south africa to a place with better job opportunities or something...

im not trying to be offensive ,i can easily tell you that hey i feel for you...im sorry u r gng through this even after all the hard work u do...ur wife is ____....whatever ,that might make u feel better but it will also reenforce the part where u think u r right.

any kind of dispute in any sort of relationship arise because each person thinks that they are right without standing in the shoes of the other.

you see it easy to break off a relationship but its very difficult to find love ,think of all the happy moments u guys had together..is whatever happening now worth that..think of the time u fought against the world to be with eachother..isnt that worth something?

ur wife needs someone to be with her,u r unavailable,,,,she found someone she thinks fills the void to an extent..and then u reacting this way is making her stubborn..she is also not thinking it through..just remember its easy to break but very difficult to mend....

[[[global:former-user]]]

Dude. I just think you're insecure. The only part that was wrong here is that your wife didn't pay enough attention to you. Go see a therapist and get this worked out

[[[global:former-user]]]

And by the way, I'm pretty sure @khaleezi91 is homophobic so be careful

[StrangerTexas]

Sorry but you shouldn't air your troubles with your wife. It will only continue to harden your heart. I have personally had my husband air our problems and it makes me livid that he wasn't man enough to talk with me. Set aside a time and calmly tell her wat you are thinking and why it makes you insecure. But don't ever trash a woman to anyone because he'll has no furry like a woman who feels disrespected.

[[[global:former-user]]]

@alwaysstranger i was about to get triggered with ur homophobic comment but then i rememebred mark twains quote "Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience."...so im not gonna engage you.

[[[global:former-user]]]

@khaleezi91 said in Kicked my wife's friend out. am I wrong:

@alwaysstranger i was about to get triggered with ur homophobic comment but then i rememebred mark twains quote "Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience."...so im not gonna engage you.

You know that you can just say that you're not homophobic instead of indirectly calling me stupid for no reason, right? What, does calling me stupid suddenly disprove the possibility that you're homophobic? Get the fuck out of here

[[[global:former-user]]]

@khaleezi91 and mark twain was an atheist and a person who hated religion for a lot of reasons and one of them is homophobia. So quoting a person who thinks the same way as i do and then calling me stupid doesn't help your case

[[[global:former-user]]]

@khaleezi91 "religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool" - mark twain

"No god and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live" - mark twain

[[[global:former-user]]]

@alwaysstranger Did u just use the f word with me>?
are u sick??seriously??this post is not even related to religion ,what is ur problem
why do u have to tag me in ur stupid dumb comments and do u even know whats the meaning of homophobic?
why do u so frequently draw people into fighting with you on religious stuffs???
what did i ever say to u for u to be such a prick?
do u even know the meaning of being a respectful human being???just because u r an atheist.. doesnot give u the damn right to become such a retarded idiot...before u type of ur stupidity lavishly ..USE YOUR DUMB INSENSITIVE BRAIN FOR ONCE and ask urself...WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS...did this person really say something to offend me..did this person really say something about me..or ask me for my advice or ask me for an opinion or is inviting me for a chat....

u dont need to be a believer to behave respectfully to others ...so please find it in ur heart to avoid me from here on forever.

[[[global:former-user]]]

@khaleezi91

@khaleezi91 said in Kicked my wife's friend out. am I wrong:

@alwaysstranger Did u just use the f word with me>?
are u sick??seriously??

It's not 'the f word', it's 'fuck'

Let me fix what you said

@alwaysstranger Did u just say 'fuck" around me>?

Yes, i said 'get the fuck out of here' after i said that you might be homophobic and you replied with 'you're stupid' and incase you didn't notice. 'Get the fuck out of here' contains the word 'fuck'

this post is not even related to religion ,what is ur problem

I talked about religion because being religious is usually correlated with being homophobic. The punishment for homosexuality in islam is death and you're muslim so... i told @losingmymind that you're probably homophobic

why do u have to tag me in ur stupid dumb comments and do u even know whats the meaning of homophobic?

When talking about you, it would've been easier to just say your username than talk in 3rs person whilst using references to you

why do u so frequently draw people into fighting with you on religious stuffs???

You believe in a religion where the punishment for homosexual is death and I'm the one being crazy to assume you're homophobic, lol.

what did i ever say to u for u to be such a prick?

You called me stupid when i said that you MIGHT be homophobic instead of just saying that you're not homophobic + I'm not really a prick, you're just SUPER sensitive

do u even know the meaning of being a respectful human being???

Yeah. When someone calls me stupid for simply pointing out the possibility that they're homophobic, i don't think they're being respectful, whilst telling you to GTFO isn't very respectful either, it is a proper way to deal with such ridiculous behaviour.

just because u r an atheist.. doesnot give u the damn right to become such a retarded idiot...before u type of ur stupidity lavishly ..USE YOUR DUMB INSENSITIVE BRAIN FOR ONCE and ask urself...

You called me stupid 3 times and you haven't even finished your sentence. Weren't you talking about respect 1 second ago?

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS...did this person really say something to offend me..

Yes you did say something to offend me. You called me stupid in response to me pointing out the possibility that you're homophobia which if anything, confirms that you are homophobic or at least insecure about your opinions on homosexuality

did this person really say something about me..or ask me for my advice or ask me for an opinion or is inviting me for a chat....

Incase you didn't notice, i wasn't even talking to you. I was warning @losingmymind to be careful of homophobes on this site in general

u dont need to be a believer to behave respectfully to others ...so please find it in ur heart to avoid me from here on forever.

1st i would like to point out that i didn't down vote anything that you posted ever but guess what you did:

I'm just gonna point out that in this case you are acting SUPER sensitively. Now I'll proceed to call up some friends to get those posts back to 0

2nd no i won't avoid you when you call me stupid or avoid you ever

[[[global:former-user]]]

@khaleezi91 don't you have anything to say!?