Guys Carrying a Conversation

  • Firstly, this is not a shot at any particular person, but do you feel like guys and girls in online situations are evenly burdened with coming up with things to talk about?

    From my experience, and this goes for dating sites/apps to randomly paired chats or friendly chats here, it really feels like I am in charge of making a chat interesting, specifically with women. Often I find myself met with things like "So what do you want to talk about?" or one word replies "haha", "yeah", "lol" or just complete conversation caps like "Oh yeah, that's really cool!"

    Now, maybe you're thinking, clearly those girls just aren't interested in talking to you and just want to be polite. But the thing is, I've had long interactions with people like this, over weeks or months, even with women who are romantically interested in me, clearly they somewhat liked talking to me.

    Personally, my theory on this is that there are so many thirsty guys trying to talk to them that they just really don't have to try for a conversation at all because eventually they just find a guy that does it for them. But I'm curious to hear if this has been everyone else's experience or what.

    Btw, just to cover this, a conversation is a back and forth. Have you ever heard the phrase the ball is in your court? When you don't provide me with a prompt, I've effectively hit the ball to you, you just let it bounce on the ground, and now I need to hit another ball from my pocket to you over and over if I want to get to know you. It's tedious work! Just think how you respond when someone asks "How are you today?" you respond "Good! And you?" This is how an entire conversation should go, whenever a prompt has reached it's end, you provide a new prompt for the other person to respond to. And also, it's ok to text first!
    /end rant

  • I have often felt that during that many interactions with a lot of guys and girls over the random chats. I have tried these random chat sites a lot, in the very recent past. And there have been moments where I would stumble upon a person who is ready for a decent convo. But in almost all the cases, the other one would simply assume that I'm the sole provider of all the topics and the kicks for the conversation, and they're like the consumers who are trying and checking the product that I'm selling. That's a first hand experience in conversational consumerism! Hardly a surprise that consumerism can be so pervasive.
    It's so common to see a chat getting stuck up. And if there isn't much effort from the other end, yes, that eventually dampens the initial high spirits and enthusiasm. Just like a sucker punch in the face when you're trying to serve it all on a platter.
    It becomes so repulsive to see something start with "M or F" or "asl". Personally, it's a big turn off for me, right there and then at the beginning of a big "could have been". I expect to have a more worthwhile conversation than just divulging details about myself. And even if did, they won't have anything else to talk about except for a quick high of dopamine.
    While it may be true for many, I don't think it's applies to even most of the girls that they look for guys who're thirsty enough to give them all in a conversation. I've talked with several girls who like to put in the effort to have convos and are eyeing to improve their convo skills.
    Of course you can metaphor a ball game with a convo. Rallies are always fun and interesting especially for the person who is actively involved.

    PS:@JustAnotherDude I find that "end rant" post script quirky. lol

  • @JustAnotherDude This is one reason I hesitate to interact with strangers on a one to one basis. The same playback gets old rather quickly. It always starts the same...asl?... I don't really care about those three things and will avoid them in an effort to learn more about the person rather than how old they are, what sex they take on, or even where they live. Age has never held anything significant to me. All it tells me is the amount of rotations around the sun you have bared witness to. It doesn't tell me your experience or knowledge. I don't need to know your gender in order to initiate a conversation and perhaps begin a friendship. It will have no affect on how I may feel about you. The only one I may consider somewhat important would be location, but having an understanding of where you come from will only help me become familiar with what you may be taught or what you may be going through, especially if your mother tongue is not the same as my own. It will only remind me to have patience and be more considerate.

    Conversations are slow to produce at first because you do not know the other person, but it is as you mentioned, a two way street. If the burden to initiate a conversation is constantly placed upon you, it can become bothersome and will eventually the fire will die. You are not alone in having to be the one to start this communication process, but you shouldn't have to be the one soley in charge of making sure the fire has wood either.

    Sometimes to create a conversation that doesn't begin the same way, I will begin with a story or I will encourage the individual to write more than the average fourth grader. It doesn't always work in my favor, however, but it does beat the boring: "hello...asl?" Mumbo jumbo.

  • @NewtTrouble Your points are interesting... I'm very on the fence about agreeing! I totally get your point that age, sex, and location have no real bearing on a personality but I think they do help a little bit. Most (not all) of my conversations with an 18 year old girl occur in one box and my convos with a 40 year old man in another box.
    I also am not so critical of people asking questions like this, conversations are hard, at least they give you a little something to say. As long as the other person is making an effort, it's hard to ask for more I think. But I do agree with you to some extent, they're not great.
    I agree with starting with an interesting topic, but for some people that seems to be off putting! They prefer the comfort of the same openings I suppose. Anyway, you sound like an interesting person.

  • @GreyWind Since this post I've been having incredibly good conversations with women. I think I'm probably off base! Come to think of it, I've talked to more women than men, at least in personal chats. So I guess it's just a general annoyance as you are saying!

    I think that's the first time I've ever put /end rant on something! It's only because that I as I let the words fly onto the page I realized it was more of a rant than I had intended, aha.

  • One Woman Army Sarah's Fan Club

    hmm... possibly, but not always.

    it's true that there are millions upon millions of thirsty guys out there, which certainly makes chatting incredibly easy for us. are these conversations worth it tho? no, usually they aren't. finding people to have meaningful conversations with is as hard for women as it is for men, trust me.

    however, i don't think that women (or people in general) should feel obligated to respond to every single "prompt" they're given. following your example, if i throw a ball at someone & they just let it bounce on the ground, i wouldn't automatically assume that it's a sign of disrespect. perhaps i just wasn't trying hard enough to warrant a meaningful response? or maybe they're just not in the mood for chatting?
    answering every little quip just for the sake of being polite isn't gonna make for a good conversation either. i'd rather just have the other person tell me they're not in the mood.

    conversations can certainly feel tedious sometimes, but it's just the way things work. it just makes us appreciate conversations that aren't tedious a lot more. with the right person, nothing is ever tedious, or at least that's what i think.

    i appreciate you for posting your thoughts tho, and i wish you the best of luck in finding someone to talk to 🙂

  • @JustAnotherDude It feels as though people are conditioned to start all conversations the same way. Robotic in nature at first, it feels mundane and repetitive. Even bots are programed to answer and play in this fashion until you select a response that their algorithm can not figure out and attempts a reply that is slightly off to give their identity away.

    I can admit that starting a conversation in this manner can start a comfortable interaction and may get you better responses because of it. I suppose in the end it depends on my mood. Do I play along and be considerate, or maybe I get a little pushy and take my chance on not scaring them away. Each has a pro and a con. When I avoid the safety zone of new conversation I can weed out unwanted intentions rather quickly. Where if I play the game, it only postpones their intent, and the time feels wasted.

  • @JustAnotherDude Most of the time it is true, but depends on the girl. My lifehack for every guy would be to just hit up some milfs-they are far more likely to be responsive.

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