YES
I am freaking out about my friendship. One out of two of my best friends who is barely there for me is being so rude because I found more friends to talk to. I don't see her as an actual friend now yet it keeps ringing in my head to care about this situation. She also tried to convince my second bestie that I am "fading away". I still say hi and support them but they don't care. I feel that they don't listen to me anymore. I had also been absent a lot because of family emergencies and they don't ask how I am, while my new friends see me like if I were part of them the whole time! Last time I was eating lunch at our table and I heard the one rude friend that she was going to block my number. Like, why????? I tried to convince myself that she is jealous, but I feel so bad on how she treats me even if she doesn't do it directly.
I am also freaking out about ME. I want to be an actress and travel. I want to have movie friends and be able to show up in a screen. I don't habe any history of dancing,singing, or acting. My high school is awful. When I finish the series Stranger Things and Stranger Things 2, I saw their videos behind the scene, as in their life. They were so cute and fun to each other. I really wish I could be someone like them: social, famous, beautiful. But I am not even close. It's like an unreachable dream. I at least want to animate or voice act in a film. It is so hard to see myself as one of them. I daydream being with my own group of cast friends having fun. I daydream possible movies I would love to star on and how students in my class would respect that I am there. I find it so hard to be with people too, it's like if they don't like having me around. I try to be funny sometimes but they make it awkward. I wish I lived in a better neighborhood where neighbors would be friends and kids would be around my same age But it is not like that. I am literally crying silently because I don't know how to control these feelings, I really really really hope you could help me at least figure out what I could do.
