Posts made by Tomas98

@mel-vas Mel, thank you for your words. <3
I feel like keeping my mind busy and do smth creative holds me from demons. We will see if mind is stronger then them, but I hope and believe, it is.
Otherwise, thank you again. ☺️

@knownsense Thank you for your comment <3
Overall, this is exactly the way I feel it. It's just a weird struggle because you know what was the past, how you perceived things back then and you are facing the same shit, but with some experiences. 🤔
Life is kinda weird sometimes.

@Quazi I have ever really tried to sort this problem out consciously. Like.. I knew smth was wrong but drugs ,,were fun". I haven't blame drugs for what was happening in my life - drugs just didn't help to it.
If I was thinking about taking some meds such as anti-deppresants, it would be in the way of fun, unfortunately. :/

I'm gonna make a confession here because there is so many supportive people I am not afraid to talk about anything here.

I was 18. New to life and I got lost a bit. Had some problems with my parents, school, finances (debts) and everything was kinda overwhelming.
Had no job, money and family to support me. I was okay from the outside but broken inside.

Year later, unfortunately I came across drugs for the first time in my life. I got so addicted to weed that I couldn't imagine my morning without 2g weed for breakfast.

The world was less depressed place and everything seemed normal when I got high.

Somehow, I got job at the office then, but I resigned after while, because I was more like a slave. I bought one way ticket to the England From my last money and I wanted to change my life. Oh god.. I was so wrong! I started with all kind new drugs for me (coke, LSD, shrooms, MDMA etc.).
There were few days that I had to sleep on the streets of London.
I was cold, broken (again) and just wanted to see my family again.
That led me to get sober and take some action in my life finally.
I was exhausted, tired and had almost no money (..again).
After year in England I came back to my country and haven't touch the drugs since then.

It's been almost four years.

Nowadays, I am fine.. but just fine. I kinda live a ,,normal life" because my family is really supportive, I freelance photography and I've met many new people last few months. I just feel stress and pressure on me.
But I think that my past started to hunt me down 'cuz I remember that uplifting feel when I got high on weed. I was thinking about to smoke a bit but I'm afraid of falling right into the addiction again that could be worse..

I can still resist, but I don't know for how long.

I just wanted to say, that if you read this and have a relationship, where "fear of being alone" holds you from breakin up.. DO IT. I was in the same situation and it was the best decision I could make.
Sometimes, it's goddamn hard to be alone just with yourself, but you will get used to it a you will find who you truly are.

@Cactus99 I know, but it's still weird ya know.. 😏 Where this feeling comes from? I have a lot people to talk with, but then I close doors and feel alone.. 😏
But thank you for your support! ❤️ You deserve all falling stars from the sky 😌

Shieft.. hope you good but I think u survived 😄
My most embarrassing moment was when my mom found ,,something" in my browsing history. It's been 10 years and I can still feel the goosebumps when she screamed ,,Tomas?! Come here!" 😂

I also came to this party 😁

Is there someone who feel lonely despite have always someone to talk with? 🤷‍♂️