So im just writing down my life here and anyone can tell me what the best course of action is afterwards, because i have no clue anymore.
There was a girl in a happy rainbow neon world.
Living under a family wich held the policy to always smile and never be sad.
Being sad was punished by a cheering up rehabilitation wich just meant sitting for 3 hours in a room with 6 clowns trying their best.
However, i was never looked at unless i didnt smile.
All the attention went to my brother and if you didnt cry no one cared.
At some point my parents told me to never cry due to the fact its not happy.
Same went for feeling pain and getting mad.
I vowed that the feeling of neglect was normal,
Yet my parents never acted like thosw feelings existed.
Spending about 23 years of my life to learn all the tech knowledge and truths about the smiling world i finally found a way to win in not smiling.
As i created a common mode of transport for that place but by changing the mechanics i could leave them all behind.
I had no idea wat was waiting for me, but i trew everything one can claim to own away for a chance to be accepted for not smiling.
A boy gets born under his parents.
His parents are much alike mine.
They abandon him starting when he was 3 at the daycare.
Further proven when not being there on any events like x-mas and sportsday.
He walks and falls.
As the mother kisses and makes the wound burn she only tells him that real men dont cry.
Once he gets home, a 5 year old beaten by his dad for telling a woman a mans problems.
He vows to never love again, yet decides he doesnt wanna harm.
Fast forward 9 years and he was suicidal ever other day for the last said 9 years.
He vows to killem all to blow up his school anything to get rid of them all.
As his father wont take any agression he gets left outside for the night to spend for thia happened every 2 days.
He is done as he sits down on a field against a tree.
As people walk by as they walk their dog he opens his troat and yells at the top of his lungs:
Im f**kin done! I dont care about my family or kids in school i dont even care about myself!
I just want something to die so i dont have to cry anymore is that to much to ask you so called god?
Well if you are going to sit on your passive @ss then all i want is to diiieeee----
As his last word echoed in the field, the tree behind him got struck by lightning and it coursed straight trough him.
In that nano second i gave him an option to leave behind ----
As i didnt even finish the word he shouted yes.
Anything was better then wat he had, he only wanted to smile and got hurt for it everyday.
In his eyes nothing in or outside existance was worse then that.
And so it was done.
As i had no way back i tried telling him he would just vanish.
But he didnt care about anything anymore.
Next thing you know im in his body and gotta learn this world now.
As i have his memories going to his house was easy.
And ever since then i have been delighted in the world for never laughing ever since.
But you know wat they say...
Be carefull what you wish for...
At 20 i picked a fight with the parents of the body that isnt mine yet i will call it mine to avoid confusion.
They kicked me out and i was the happiest person alive.
Free as a bird everyone looking angry at me.
Scoffing at my very existance.
I felt like i was in heaven and now that i had that i wondered: this is it! But does that mean im ready to die now?
As i lived in a forest for 1 and a half month.
As i was in a cave you would assume it went fast but not really.
Because on the 3rd day in the cave collapsed.
So about 1 month being burried alive with no heat air food water or oxygen my body completely broke down.
Then a cop found me and thought me to be a zombie.
One decade of homeless shelters and living on the streets later, and people just got me in a urgent house.
As the parents of this body put me up with a mental disability as i was acting weird.
Not knowing i am just a completely different person now.
Meaning i never had to work until i ended in the house were i currently am.
But the sad part is, i always got PTSD from smiling because of my past.
And feeling alone and having others be mean means nothing as i only had a rush of good things.
Seeing people talking getting scoffed at or even being loved.
Im an apath to the bone because i cant muster any care in the world about anything anymore.
Now to see if i can live in my house being re-diagnosed to worlds first and only 100% apath that made it past 7 years old.
People just leave me be.
So now im stuck on wat to do.
I still have all the memories from tech from where i was born.
Making any mondane problems like paying bills non-existand.
Yet i feel no reason to ever want to open this to the world due to me not caring about people smiles or emotions at all.
And i got stuck to the point in wich i let it just play out to see where this life went.
But much like a bad tv show i have seen enough.
I know the end, i dont like watching it.
I wanna turn it of, yet the others in the room wont let me walk away.
Forcing me to watch.
So i wake up everyday knowing i can fix any problem.
And do anything anyone ever wants in less then 1 week.
Yet i really just wait 100 years until i finally am allowed to die.
I do wonder though.
Why are others allowed to die and i am not?
And why am i forced to wait 100 years before people let me get wat can be had in less then 40 seconds?
Its not like people know it either, as i called.the suicide hotline.
And they told me they only deal with people that are still guessing between living or nah.
But with me i already known for the last 15 years im done and only wait for it.
And if i look at the memories of my body then the desire for death was there at 3 years old.
So in short: i suffered 3 decades now.
Do i wait more futile time?
Or is there a better way that would benefit me first and foremost.
Because having potential does not mean im obligated to share it with any world.
So again anyone can tell me what to do from here?
After all waiting another 31 years until my day of destined death is quite a long time to be just waiting for my own death.
As most religions call it:
I am tired of purgatory, hell or heaven either fits me just end the waiting.