shouldn't care,

BUT

people do be kinda mean doe

I GOT MY LICENSE TODAYYYY im so legal
anyways, hope everyone is doing well

who's even still around on here? whoever is, hiii, missed ya, come steal me i hate it here!!! ok gonna try to get 30 mins of sleep b4school (; byree

i just want to put how ive been feeling lately somewhere, so im thinking this might be a good place but who knowsss?

im listening to lust for life - lana del rey, the demo version, and i guess it has me thinking a little bit?

im really excited for my 17th birthday, and i havent been this excited about my birthday in a long long time. my birthday has never been bad, but i guess that whole thing where you get older and like your birthday less thing is happening? who cares lol, doesnt matter.

what DOES matter is this birthday i think will be the most, if not one of the most, meaningful birthdays ill have! hahaha

when i was 10 (which is soon to have been 7 years ago!) my life changed so much. i entered 5th grade and life twisted(?) for me in so many ways.
i had depression at this point i think? family life was totally different, it all got fucked up.
somewhere in that year i started cutting myself, and became soooo suicidal.
its just such an important... bookmark? in my memory for obvious reasons. ill never forget it all.

anyways, the point is i never believed i would actually make it to being 16. i didnt want to, i begged that i wouldnt. i wanted to kill myself and yet i still couldnt so i just put all my effort into willing myself to die as sooon as possible.

i didnt want to get here, i literally thought it COULDNT and SHOULDNT happen. i was so so sure that i would die before or by 16, and i told myself if i got to be 16 and all my hoping had no success, i would do it myself, i had promised myself.

but here i ammm!! its been a rough fucking year so far.

but im here, and im so fucking proud of myself.
i had... 2 or 3 suicude attempts this year, a lot of shit has still changed. but it seems to be only getting better and i actually hope it keeps going that direction.

turning 17 is gonna prove ME wrong and it actually feels amazing.

ive gotten help in a lot of ways and ive been clean of cuts for a couple months now, and even though that doesnt even hold weight compared to 7 years of scarring myself i dont give a fuck, ill always be a cutter but im getting better! lol

i dont know. this post is a mess but fuck yeah, i was wrong and im here and i will be here for longer i hope, and i actually DO hope that

funny, during the worst part of this year i found this site and i actually think it helped me get better in some ways, and i got to meet amazing people too.

i dont know, maybe some day i can explain this all better but i just wanna write i guess

i dont know anything lmfao

but im happy right now so who cares

17 here i come? XD
yes, even though its really really cringy,
here i come!

if anyone sees this, dont judge how bad it is LMFAO

guess who fuckin failed SURPRISE!! gonna go again in a couple weeks but damnnn :// everybody here keeps saying most people fail the first time so i guess im normal lol, but it suckss🧍‍️

i'm dead XD but we did set the bar. i'm glad our presences were appreciated lmfaooo everyone come back pls )':

i cannot wait to get my license i feel like things are gonna be different when i do!!!!

i love you buddy. thanks for the birthday text

i just drove home thru a snow storm for the first time so that was interesting. also there is a power outage in my area lol

poprocks mfkrrrrr

@WtfDeckoFalls i plan not to so far

I GOT MY LICENSE TODAYYYY im so legal
anyways, hope everyone is doing well

hope everyone is doing well just wanted to see what's up lol

i love you buddy. thanks for the birthday text

@AXES i will, especially now!! so happy to hear from you, as always!! you've been missed

@WtfDeckoFalls that's what they're telling me, so happy that it's normal at least but thank u!! second times the charm i hope

@Sassy thanks!!!️️ hopefully im only getting better or there's gonna be issues

guess who fuckin failed SURPRISE!! gonna go again in a couple weeks but damnnn :// everybody here keeps saying most people fail the first time so i guess im normal lol, but it suckss🧍‍️

@ghomsi i shouldve took some, but i didn't want to pull over in case i got stuck in the snow or my truck stalled loll. if i can get some ill put them up!!

i just drove home thru a snow storm for the first time so that was interesting. also there is a power outage in my area lol