shouldn't care,

BUT

people do be kinda mean doe

i just want to put how ive been feeling lately somewhere, so im thinking this might be a good place but who knowsss?

im listening to lust for life - lana del rey, the demo version, and i guess it has me thinking a little bit?

im really excited for my 17th birthday, and i havent been this excited about my birthday in a long long time. my birthday has never been bad, but i guess that whole thing where you get older and like your birthday less thing is happening? who cares lol, doesnt matter.

what DOES matter is this birthday i think will be the most, if not one of the most, meaningful birthdays ill have! hahaha

when i was 10 (which is soon to have been 7 years ago!) my life changed so much. i entered 5th grade and life twisted(?) for me in so many ways.
i had depression at this point i think? family life was totally different, it all got fucked up.
somewhere in that year i started cutting myself, and became soooo suicidal.
its just such an important... bookmark? in my memory for obvious reasons. ill never forget it all.

anyways, the point is i never believed i would actually make it to being 16. i didnt want to, i begged that i wouldnt. i wanted to kill myself and yet i still couldnt so i just put all my effort into willing myself to die as sooon as possible.

i didnt want to get here, i literally thought it COULDNT and SHOULDNT happen. i was so so sure that i would die before or by 16, and i told myself if i got to be 16 and all my hoping had no success, i would do it myself, i had promised myself.

but here i ammm!! its been a rough fucking year so far.

but im here, and im so fucking proud of myself.
i had... 2 or 3 suicude attempts this year, a lot of shit has still changed. but it seems to be only getting better and i actually hope it keeps going that direction.

turning 17 is gonna prove ME wrong and it actually feels amazing.

ive gotten help in a lot of ways and ive been clean of cuts for a couple months now, and even though that doesnt even hold weight compared to 7 years of scarring myself i dont give a fuck, ill always be a cutter but im getting better! lol

i dont know. this post is a mess but fuck yeah, i was wrong and im here and i will be here for longer i hope, and i actually DO hope that

funny, during the worst part of this year i found this site and i actually think it helped me get better in some ways, and i got to meet amazing people too.

i dont know, maybe some day i can explain this all better but i just wanna write i guess

i dont know anything lmfao

but im happy right now so who cares

17 here i come? XD
yes, even though its really really cringy,
here i come!

if anyone sees this, dont judge how bad it is LMFAO

i'm dead XD but we did set the bar. i'm glad our presences were appreciated lmfaooo everyone come back pls )':

poprocks mfkrrrrr

yes, but i kept bitching out, so i lived

@Mia-x I MISS YOU TO DEATH LOVELY TAKE CARE AND COME BACK TO US IF YOU CAN🥺

@Scottish thank you kind sir! will do, just sometimes you forget and it gets to you for a minute... back to not giving a fuck

think i'm gonna disappear again, get skinny and then come back and post nudes here for the fuck of it.

but i'm just thinkin' about it
!

as a girl, i'll say the top pic of you is REALLY not bad. you look cute to me! so you don't need to worry about your looks too much. you shouldn't make getting a girlfriend your priority, for your own sake, but also because people who are happy in general, especially on their own, are deemed more attractive, i find. if you stop wanting and looking, a girl, or many will come. i promise personality is more important. the virginith, sex and looks are not

i am a pisces girl if you're still doing this! i wanna hear anything and everything you gotta say, if ir still saying anything

@WtfDeckoFalls maybe i will i am extremely tempted today

HEY Y'ALL I AM LITERALLY JUST POPPING IN TI SAY I AM VERY EXCITED BC MY ASS LOOKS SO FAT TODAY??? I AM THICK AS FUCK THANKS BYE

@Ureshi very sweet of you and much appreciated, i will keep you in mind. thanks

@Ureshi hell yeah, do it

@Ureshi tbh idk. half joke half truth?

@Escanor_ i do be makin art with a knife

omg finally was able to put a picture in wow

think i'm gonna disappear again, get skinny and then come back and post nudes here for the fuck of it.

but i'm just thinkin' about it
!

@Scottish thank you kind sir! will do, just sometimes you forget and it gets to you for a minute... back to not giving a fuck

@Mia-x I MISS YOU TO DEATH LOVELY TAKE CARE AND COME BACK TO US IF YOU CAN🥺