@shaun-durwin feel free to message at anytime and I do appreciate the Sir but I myself am only 32, sir lol

@shaun-durwin completely understand anytime we deal with facing a character defect in ourselfs especially something that we are addicted to we tend to be very self concious about it trust me I'm a recovering addict to more than one vice some legal most not but with that being said I won't push and just so you know I'm here to talk with you about whatever I'm not a therapist nor do I have any valid license to make any sort of diagnosis on you I have however spent many years reading literature about addictions behaviors and different types of personalities and what they tend to fall victims to most commonly so I will listen and I will tell my story and I will give you my honest opinion on how I myself go about dealing with my struggles and I will never judge nor tell you your different from any other addict on this earth but if I recommend you talking with a true professional because I believe you'd benefit from it because there may be things they can do to help you cope or have reduced urges with your addiction would you do it?

@shaun-durwin ok what's your addiction first off?

lol that could work too.

I know how you feel Bubba only she didn't just decide to walk in my case she gave me every chance in the world and then some. I Pushed Shoved Kicked and then Threw her out of my life. I think every day and night about it and wish I'd have just listened to what she said in all the little things that in most conversations get lost. We're men so by default Idiots on the subjects of Listening Understanding and then allowing our female counterparts Guide us to where we need to be. They understand this and learn it about us quickly, yet we can't seem to do the same. If you get the chance to have any conversation with her then there may be a chance for you. If she won't talk give her time and space and if you have a mutual friend that she trusts and respects the opinion of first prove yourself to be true of heart with them and they will be your Champion to fight the battle subtly for a possible chance to hear her tell you in ever so subtle ways what you must do try to show her why you deserve a another chance. But, be forewarned my friend she will tell you without any lie or deception, she won't even disguise it as something that it's not (i.e. a road map to fix it) but it will be in the form of a puzzle to what matters to her most, the things that made her fall in love you to begin with. She will test if you still remember who he is or was, and she will weigh what she remembers to what she sees and they better add up Bubba or you won't have a chance. So if you played the game to win her heart go on and fold cause she just called with a raise of all in so play your Straight and hope to see her Flush, cause this ain't a hand you play to win, this is one to give from your stack to hers so she has a reason to keep playing and not cash-out.

In complete and utter honesty it would be the time from 9/19/2017 at exactly 12:13 pm cst all the way up until my right foot slipped off tire and bound my knee up and I felt like I was less than the "super"man she thought me to be. Clear up to the drive home early because I couldn't finish my shift out because my supervisors thought it would be a "Liability" and the only thought on my mind was that I'd just convinced the greatest thing to ever cross my path to take a chance for once in her sheltered life and promised her I wouldn't let her fall. And I stopped to buy a bottle and thought twice turned around and my eyes met with another mans and instead of a bottle he had something far worse my deepest enemy my true vice that devil that dances for days not hours and I accepted and from that moment on I became her demon. So if I could steal one thing and one thing only it'd be her naivety and innocence of how cruel addictions can be to those that love those with addictions. It wouldn't be her heart or my sobriety because I willingly made those choices to threw those to the dogs but I wish I could steal her peace and joy and laughter back from Hell where I took them and buried them. I wish I could return them to the rightful owner so she could give them to a Man who truly deserved them.