Ill be your friend :)

Hi. Ive never done this sort of thing before but im out of options. I was raped as a child and as a result of this I spent my entire life since the event being somewhat of a sexual manic. Either I have times when I masturbate/have sex more than 5/6 times a day OR periods when being touched/touching myself sickens me. The periods of time with no touching have made up 90% of my life. The relationships im in now is the first time ive been able to see a future with someone. The longer we live together the more I want him but I cant allow myself to ask for these new urges im feeling to be fulfilled. I dont know how to initiate sex as all the people ive had sex with before have been rather rough and always chose when we do it. He knows about my past and is very scared to push so he does nothing at all. We have sex maybe one time every two months despite me wanting it every day. I sicken myself that I want it, I cant ask for it and im seriously starting to be deprived. I want the intimacy equally as much as the sex. I need both. What scares me is ive never felt before that I NEEDED it like I do now with him. I cant ask, I just cant. For the first few months I would run a bath and masturbate a few times and that was enough but it starting to not be enough. I'm starting to go to bed upset and stressed. I cant feel any release. Help me please.