I'm not sure if I should call it imagination, however I have these experiences where I felt that everytime I tried to hurt myself God would be there like He'll make things or my situation a bit better and then puff it would be all the same routine again.

Friendly reminder: please don't judge me. Just sharing. Hope you guys have a great day.

@sushant-singh I'll up vote you as soon as you supply the information you have. One good bribe deserves another.