i definitely understand what it means to be so shut out, alone, and tired.. with that alone i wish you will be at ease soon. i may not entirely relate with what you are feeling, but i understand it.
i've been aching for someone to talk to.. yet the lone thought of doing that repulses me, so instead i resort to shutting myself out and just overly-indulging in my interests.. and hey.. it's not all so bad. as long as i have those funny little hobbies i'll be okay, right?
though i'd still encourage you to search for a reliable and fitting hotline, a friend.. if nothing, even a stranger would suffice. it's nice to be heard and get things off your chest once in a while :)
though it is a shame that mental health has yet to be fully taken seriously.. i wish you the best, once again <3
(p.s. i'm digging your profile picture!!)