Hello Alex, I want you to know that you can do your dream and make it reality. Never give up on it because it will sure as heck try to give up on you initially. Keep with it and you will find a pleasure in it that is worth a lifetime.
As for being loved, I can relate. Know this to, it takes love for love to exist. Keep you heart vigilant and do not let scars steal the youthful heart of love. You will find it.... even if it feels like you won't. Keep fighting on Alex. Have a great day/night as well.