yeh this is hard

So it started in 14 March 2019. We met in an unexpected meeting, you wore that red dress and say hi with those warmly smile. I never expected at first that you are a British-German girl who hired for this project. I was such a dumbass who was freezing like 10 mins when I saw your straight-blonde-hair with that green-blue eyes. I was like “damn, are you even single? I don’t care for your age anymore”. I did not get focus in any project in that time when you told me that Indonesia is kind of beautiful country also when you said that you have a son around 3 years old. Something strange in that time when you noticed that I could not even breath, every time you are around that floor, my eyes kept look for you.
My leader noticed it like a month later and we had a bro conversation. He said “Aput, you know, she is divorced around 2 years ago, she also has a son moreover she is a foreigner. If you were dating her, your career would get riff off, our leaders could not accept it because of ethics in this company. Think it wisely, you will be promoted in next June, don’t create any trouble. I know you are a risk taker when you want something, you’d definitely target those things till it is yours but it not a good timing”. I was speechless, I don’t want to lose her. All of bad memories pop out in my mind in that time then I blame myself that I am such a loser of love.
I met that girl in a coffee shop before I got my promotion announcement, we talked everything that day until I felt suffocated and be silence when she mentioned “Aput, I know you are a good person, you are like a needle in haystack that I never found in a person, I felt your companion is really good. In that day, I went to your desk, there is a girl picture like 20 years old girl, who is that? Your girlfriend? I also saw a little note there like “Please be back J.T, I know I need you more than that. Oh in your electronic card, there is J.T too, is that her name?”. I looked at her deeply and said, “she was the center of my universe, I got this fast track program, saving my salary like 20% of that to flight to Canada. I learned French just to understand somehow when she complained something, but it is all end up when she pushed me away”. She did her sweet smile and said, “so, she is the one who bother you whenever you checked your phone? Someone who made you get a distraction when you have to do important present and made you check your phone quite often?”. I was like nodding in a slow motion, stop saying a word. “See, you have that deep feeling that I don’t know whenever when you tried to take me out in every place, I feel it coz I am a woman. You can fight for her tho.”
I was smile and said “she does not want me, she wants me to vanish from her world, to stop everything about her. I should throw that picture since a month ago when I hooked up with you.” “You know, you are such a caring sweet gentleman I ever met, like you really behave well around people and your intellectual things is another sexy thing I found. But, we should end up in here and you should be back with her. I don’t want to mess up everything.” –a long ass post would be in here so in short she asked me to stop meeting her anymore-
It was 18 June when my leader told me that my promotion would be officially announce in next 2 days. But, I did something till my announcement got postpone. I met her in that floor, before she walked to meeting room, I pushed her in a corner and kissed her lips. Then the eagles of that company saw it and be like “Damn, youngster nowadays” then I got a serious call till I have to postpone everything I got in that time. What about her? She cried in front of this frozen body, said sorry like hella thousand times and wished me to let her go. She whispered “I know her name is Judith’, then my heart cracked in pieces. I convinced her that I would find another job so she could stay also Judith was nothing compared with her. However, in a first glance she said “you deserve much better than stay with me, Aput”, left me alone in that lobby and I never met her anymore.
I met my leader, told him that it is my right to date her or whatever I want to do with her. He said everything would be alright, I just need to say that she seduced me in that time. I almost punched my leader in his face when he said that but he said “YOUR CAREER IS THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO CONCERN, YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR LADY AFTER THIS, BUT NOT HER”. I sent him a first month notice resignation letter because of difference perception and ethics. Human Resource and every eagles there just involved in here till I said loudly, “This is my decision, I would not withdraw my words”. A lot of chaos situation happened in almost 2 weeks till I found another Judith picture in my desk (it was in 12 July). I called that British-German Lady, set a meeting with her, made my confession first time to her that I got another job with better opportunity and salary outside Jakarta. I asked her hand to make a commitment with me in a roof, I would take care everything about her even her son, I convinced her that married aint a first thing we should do. I also confessed like I am kind of old school so I would not do sex before marriage. She rejected me politely, said that it is all costed things, I should not do that thing for her. She kissed my cheek and said “you deserve someone better than me, I am almost 35 years old, you are 25 years old. A lot of things you could do even your dream rather than fight for me like this”.
So, if you think that I am still into her, nope. I moved on already. I am back just to say hello to my old fellas and see the posts about how stupid I was.

That's alot of text 😎. It shouldn't be called a post but a novel.