I'm usually the guy who goes, "I don't make mistakes; I make surprise accidents" but recently one thing hit me hard.
I have a friend whom I'm really close with. He is the only guy from my school I'm still having contact with. Every time I go back home, I would hang out with him. Usually, he would be the one, who calls me and asks me if I'm free and decides what to do. Since I'm really lazy, I would never call and plan since he was the one doing it forever and because I know he would call me. Worse, I don't even message first for the same reason. Recently, he called me late night and told me he failed in all of his subjects and his mother gave up on him. She's a teacher and last time she helped him study and he cleared all of his papers. Then he said things that genuinely broke my heart. He said that the result came a week ago and that he didn't say it to me because he didn't have any strength to tell me. He just sounded really defeated. He then went on to say that he's really alone and that I never talk to him and that he's tired of being the one desperate for a company because I never call him or message him or plan about hanging out. It messed me up real bad because I took many things for granted; things that meant a lot to him. He said that these things are making him really struggle just to keep being alive.
It made me feel worse because I owe my life to him. He helped through my depression. If it wasn't for him, I might have committed suicide a long ago. It was the reason, I cut my ties with others from my school because no one except him was there for me when I needed them most. I struggled with it for a year before meeting him and now, he was in a lot of pain. It hit me hard and I regretted a lot of my decisions. If only I knew better. If only I thought about him. If only I wasn't so lazy and stupid. It was pretty bad and hurtful.
I decided to be more active and started messaging him and asking him to play online with me. It was better for a while but now since he failed in all papers, he is now into his college's hostel where phones are not allowed, cutting our ties once again. It's making me sad...
Well, that was a long post, haha...