@James-C-137 I'm sorry man that you feel this way. You hurt a lot as I've seen but that's ok. We all hurt. Some of us more that others. But you are very open an not many others are. Being open means you know what you feel and others however have a hard time realizing that they're in pain. You might not understand the pain, and maybe you don't want to because it's just to much. And one of these days it's more than possible that you simply become a shattered being, that you break down and give up.
Just know that these aren't the best times but they aren't the worst, and if you love something or someone or are trying to, keep going.
No ones asking you to shut the hell up and be a man and quit your whining and whatever. Just try and get things off your mind and chest by getting them onto something else. Figure it out and we'll support you.
And don't rush anything. Take these next days weeks months years one day week month year at a time in this life. Because I don't think you're ready to leave.
And I hope you think so too.