Posts made by Matt_Aranha

@MadMax_Sensei Do you mean irl, or strangers we meet online? I have a great many interesting tales 😂 although few I would describe as the positive life-changing ones you seek

@Alicey2k A-freaking-men. How long has it been now? I reckon around 15 months (for me) since we used to thrive in an abundance of depth.

I could never blame the peeps who have left for leaving, but I do feel that my optimism that the days gone by might return could be more than a little misplaced.

If you want an explicitly direct answer, I'd say it was late 2019 when the site got hit by a slew of bots. It sometimes felt they were appearing and adding their repetitive spam posts faster than they could be reported, and it took a few months before the situation was under control.

During that time they put many good people off (it was difficult to be constructive and contribute when 80% or more of the forum posts on a given page were sometimes from the same bot), and as for new potential members - what they saw disagreed with the decent ones, whilst the pervs and paedos lapped it up and stuck around. That had a knock-on effect, so when the bots had gone we still had some people here with the wrong idea of what the site was about... their presence seemingly legitamised the presence of even more inappropriate types who stumbled upon the site, and that element grew. A spiral had begun which could no longer be contained, especially as other members left in the spiral's wake.

Now, most of us are tired and the circle continues. Most of the people interested in smart debate and conversation come and don't want to stay because they get hounded off by sex pests, and the perv contingent finds it a paradise and continues to grow.

Not that, as you imply, there is anything wrong with a bit of pervation and depravity in moderation, and sure it's fun. But, please, let's none of us pretend there aren't a thousand or more other more important things in life.

@Ziah_99 Just be you. I'm sorry the ones you live with are so narrow-minded. The right people to have in your life will be far more accepting and love you for exactly who you are. Embrace her.

@Jo2468 It's amazing 😍 you can get store-bought in some supermarkets and it's still delicious

@Allison Pina colada = also tasty

@Jo2468 Panna cotta

@Mickeyyyyy Which band hit number 11 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1977 with their rock anthem "Barracuda"?

@Chris2791 A great many people think of alcohol as a stimulant - the "oh cheer up and have drink/you're no fun if you aren't drinking" mentality. But that comes from the relaxing of inhibitions rather than any joy directly derived from alcohol, which is a depressant.

@Ash005 Awww thank you. Really appreciate that 😊

@Ash005 First I'd pull a spirit of compassion and unity for the human race, so it can stop being a bunch of dicks to itself and start working together the save the planet and its own future.

Then I'd pull the partner who is the best match for me (and me her), someone who will display the same honesty and respect for me as I do her whilst challenging me and helping me grow. I'm pretty sure that after some of the people I've been with I deserve that.

@Heccikage Best topic I've seen here for a while, it's made a wonderful change from the stuff I usually see. Thank you.

@Allison They are... so why not be a more honest, open person - and take those steps to change the vibe?

I totally get wanting to do anything to save someone from your own toxicity, that's very noble. It's the having to lie to do it that I haven't got my head around... it feels more like an easy way out of owning your crap, and that saying you're doing it for the other person might just be something to help avoid feeling shitty about it. Perhaps 🤷‍♂️

@Heccikage I don't, no. Breaking somebody with a lie like that? That's just cruel, and may hurt them more than the pain of staying around you.

There is a choice to be strong and true. To say, "I don't believe I am healthy for you, so I must step away". If the person does not agree and persists in trying to communicate with you, you can ALWAYS refuse to engage. It may hurt in the short term, but people tend to understand and heal better from painful truths, and grow from them.

This is a tangent but has some bearing; I personally feel that, being aware of toxicity, an element of responsibility also lies with the person you try to break from. Some people can be aware that another is unhealthy for them, and if they are 100% informed and knowledgeable about that then they absolutely have the right to continue to choose that person. By doing what you suggest, you take away their freedom of choice - and I would suggest that is disrespecting them.

@Heccikage No, I'd be honest about my thoughts and feelings, and feel that lying would only be likely to make things worse.

@Heccikage My own inflexibility perhaps 🤔 I've not been able to think of a scenario which would warrant such a thing... but I'm not saying they don't exist.

@Heccikage I'm not sold on this one...