How to recognize the right one?



  • Wouldn't it be great, if one day Jesus just appeared to you, pointed at someone in the croud in front of you and said: "This is the right one!"? Apparently this does not happen all to often 🤷... So how do you guys think can one recognize their soulmate? And what kind of things can be treacherous?

    I believe that a pretty sure way is the following: When you are close to your soulmate, you'll feel whole. It feels like something that was always missing is now there. And I don't mean touching and kissing and all those things that you prolly missed too. I mean, like a part of you, that you maybe didn't even know was missing, a hole that was always there is now filled.

    On my treacherous list are the following:

    • having a crush
    • admiring the other
    • finishing each other's sentences
    • butterflies (you know where)

    So what do you guys think?



  • @petrapark3r I think it is hard to recognize the "one". Many people are so focused on the potential that the grass is greener else where that they leave their soulmates when theyre together and later find out it was a mistake. By that time it is too late, both or one of them have moved on and now reminisce on what could have been.
    I would say if someone really wants to know if they've met their "one" it would take some time of stepping out of the box and really looking at the big pictures and attention to detail. You have to understand yourself and understand the person youre with. Then, experience life with other people. I think youll really know if theyre the one if you start realizing that other people cant measure up, and you really don't think anyone compares. You stop thinking about the grass being greener and you the only future you see has them in it. And there cant be any doubt, you have to be 110% sure that theyre the one.
    Sadly, even that could not be enough. They might be the one now, but as we age and grow, we change. Some people that were perfect at one time might be two completely different people that are no longer perfect for each other anymore. Its heart breaking, but it is okay. It is just apart of life. Loving and losing is better than no love at all.



  • @OliveOlivia I agree with you. It is indeed possible to miss the one, to miss your chance. You are absolutely right, you can even be with the one and only realize it when it is too late.

    However I don't think the one is about the fact that others can't measure up or cannot compare. In fact I'm rather certain that the grass really always is greener elsewhere. For example if you were married to the smartest guy on the block, there is a 99% chance, that there lives another guy on the same block who looks better. And just as high a chance that there is a guy who has greater people skills. And another one who's more romantic and poetic. So in one phrase: the perfect one is not the same as the right one. Sure you will fit together with the right one. But in no ways perfectly...

    To be completely honest, I don't believe there is more than one. I believe there can be more than one soulmate yes, but not more than a single right one. But I agree with you, that we change, and that it is possible to lose or destroy the relationship with this right one, to grow apart even with them. Marriage is not the fullfillment of all your wishes, it is work and sacrifice. And that is how you know that the love is real.



  • @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @OliveOlivia I agree with you. It is indeed possible to miss the one, to miss your chance. You are absolutely right, you can even be with the one and only realize it when it is too late.

    However I don't think the one is about the fact that others can't measure up or cannot compare. In fact I'm rather certain that the grass really always is greener elsewhere. For example if you were married to the smartest guy on the block, there is a 99% chance, that there lives another guy on the same block who looks better. And just as high a chance that there is a guy who has greater people skills. And another one who's more romantic and poetic. So in one phrase: the perfect one is not the same as the right one. Sure you will fit together with the right one. But in no ways perfectly...

    To be completely honest, I don't believe there is more than one. I believe there can be more than one soulmate yes, but not more than a single right one. But I agree with you, that we change, and that it is possible to lose or destroy the relationship with this right one, to grow apart even with them. Marriage is not the fullfillment of all your wishes, it is work and sacrifice. And that is how you know that the love is real.

    Yeah, why would you settle with just one ? There's billions of us, we're very overstocked on ourselves.



  • @petrapark3r There will always be someone more good looking, more smart, and other things, and though the person you think is the one may not be perfect, they will feel perfect to you. They may not be the best looking, but they will look the best in your eyes. The relationship will not be perfect, but its the only one you want to be in. That's what I think the one is


  • BEST REPLIES

    @petrapark3r

    This is a rather complicated but interesting topic.
    To begin with I'd like to believe there's more then 1 "the one" and more then 1 "soul-mate" but at the same time, how can we be so sure? I speak for myself, every new person I've been with made me feel different and somewhat stronger things then the previous one, does that mean the last person was my soul-mate? What if a new person shows up and makes me feel even more different things?

    I'm getting off topic anyway... It's just something that is constanly on my mind cuz when I'm in love I often find myself contemplating how does love feel, what love makes me feel, do, say and act upon. It's such a strong emotion that it's not often felt by me that it's often overwhelming. And no, don't get me wrong, i'm talking about romantic love, I believe the love you feel for your friends and family are slightly different...

    but anyway... for me, big indications of finding someone that could be "the one" is me not being able to stop thinking about that person, wanting to chat/text/hang out with the person as often as I can and above all, not being able to get mad or upset with her, everytime she does something that might hurt me or I dislike.


  • Music Lovers

    @petrapark3r

    Nothing lasts forever. Especially sexual Love.
    But what stays with you till your last breathe is Respect.

    A Mutual respect, for the each other.
    A respect for each other's boundaries.
    That is how two people last forever, and succeed in this test of time.

    Instead of wasting your energy and time in finding 'the one'
    Strive to become a person, who can be respected.
    Who knows his priorities in life.
    Who has control over himself, emotionally and physically.
    And who, is capable of being loved.

    And when that morbid realisation strikes, that 'they are not the one.'
    Then begin to love their uniqueness. While maintaining, your standards and priorities in life.
    This is one test, to not only decide your love for them, but also what you, as a person really are..
    Because if you truly ever loved them, then you would respect them, till the worlds end.
    And if you leave them, at this point. Then my friend, you are nothing but a person driven by his hormones, who falls for the first thick ass he sees.
    : )



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r

    This is a rather complicated but interesting topic.
    To begin with I'd like to believe there's more then 1 "the one" and more then 1 "soul-mate" but at the same time, how can we be so sure? I speak for myself, every new person I've been with made me feel different and somewhat stronger things then the previous one, does that mean the last person was my soul-mate? What if a new person shows up and makes me feel even more different things?

    Yes, I think you can have multiple soul mates. But I think there can only be one "right one", because the greatest connection between two human beings (apart from a mother and her child ofc) is a real marriage. To explain what I mean by real marriage I'll first caricature "modern" (non-real) marriage a bit, by calling it "friends with benefits and tax advantages and maybe a kid or two if we feel like it". Real marriage to me means giving yourself away to the other, and it is only created if both do it completely.

    Actually this means to put yourself into a position, that when she decides to put a knife on your chest (in a transferred sense...), that you will have no where to escape from, and she might run that knife right through you. However this knife is special, it has blades pointing in both directions, and by stabbing you, she has to stab herself too.... Well ofc that's not all that marriage is, but it is absolutely true, that when you really give yourself to the other, you become just that vulnerable.

    And you can not take yourself back. If you meant giving yourself away when you did give yourself away. It's impossible. You can destroy the relationship, you can hate it, you can hate each other. But you can never become who you were before. You can never go back.

    I for one want that kind of relationship. I want to give myself fully, even if that means dying for her and by her hands. Yes.



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    but anyway... for me, big indications of finding someone that could be "the one" is me not being able to stop thinking about that person, wanting to chat/text/hang out with the person as often as I can and above all, not being able to get mad or upset with her, everytime she does something that might hurt me or I dislike.

    all those things I would have most definitely put on the treacherous list 😂 . No offense bud...



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    I speak for myself, every new person I've been with made me feel different and somewhat stronger things then the previous one, does that mean the last person was my soul-mate? What if a new person shows up and makes me feel even more different things?

    This is interesting. Will you feel more and more and more until you find the one? Or is everyone your soulmate for whom you feel like this, and you're finding ever closer soulmates? Do you think at a certain intensity of emotion you'll have found her?

    Have you ever experienced some kind of "I mean, like a part of you, that you maybe didn't even know was missing, a hole that was always there is now filled." (my silly description of an experience)?


  • Music Lovers

    @petrapark3r

    Beauty lies within uncertainty.
    Try to find 'the one'
    and the one which you already have, will be lost.

    Live in the moment, rather than dreaming about the future.



  • @DAD_ said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r

    Beauty lies within uncertainty.
    Try to find 'the one'
    and the one which you already have, will be lost.

    Live in the moment, rather than dreaming about the future.

    Well said.

    However, you can only give yourself to one (if you do it right 💪 😂 )... So... Lets say to live in the moment with the one you have is good and you shouldn't look elsewhere all the time, agreed with that, too. But at some point, that relationship might end. Maybe it ended because you realized she was not the one. So... Isn't that realization important too? Or the other realization, that she whom you with, is in fact the one you want to spend your life with?

    Or are you more the, after one love comes the next kind of person for the rest of your life?



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    Have you ever experienced some kind of "I mean, like a part of you, that you maybe didn't even know was missing, a hole that was always there is now filled."

    Do you mean you liking a part of someone that they weren't aware? Or the fact that someone likes a part of you and making you fell a whole / not so empty?

    No, it is more like... It is like... Maybe you do feel incomplete right now. Maybe you don't but through the experience you realize you definitely were incomplete. And now, like when you feel her presence, you suddenly feel like you need nothing in the world anymore. Like all needs are gone. Like you are complete. At least on a worldly level. You also don't feel that burning desire (only when you don't feel her presence), you feel fulfilled. Kinda happy. But mostly fulfilled. Or rather complete. Like a part of you that was always missing is now there.

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    I for one want that kind of relationship. I want to give myself fully, even if that means dying for her and by her hands. Yes.

    So you had relationships in the past but none of this would go as far as this feeling?

    No no, this is not a feeling. This is my idea of marriage, it is something I and her together can do.



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense 🤷

    Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?



  • @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense 🤷

    Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?

    I know what you mean and the 1st one felt 100% when i was in it, but then the next one felt 100% and when you thought about the differences and such, I feel the 2nd one feels much more home

    So you did feel completed... but did not know that you could feel still more complete? Hmm. Difficult then...


  • BEST REPLIES

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    but anyway... for me, big indications of finding someone that could be "the one" is me not being able to stop thinking about that person, wanting to chat/text/hang out with the person as often as I can and above all, not being able to get mad or upset with her, everytime she does something that might hurt me or I dislike.

    all those things I would have most definitely put on the treacherous list 😂 . No offense bud...

    No offense taken, I have a rather extreme and sometimes unhealthy way of loving but I can't ever love any other way. It's either do or die 😅

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    This is interesting. Will you feel more and more and more until you find the one? Or is everyone your soulmate for whom you feel like this, and you're finding ever closer soulmates? Do you think at a certain intensity of emotion you'll have found her?

    This is exacly what I think about... 😅
    When i'm with someone I always feel like there's noone else above and tbh, if that person devotes herself the same way I devote myself to that person, chances are I'll never ever feel the same for any other women. The thing is, when me and her, for some reason broke up and I try to move on and find another love, it always feel more intense, so the gap between new relationships is so painful and scary cuz we always think we were living on the edge.

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    Have you ever experienced some kind of "I mean, like a part of you, that you maybe didn't even know was missing, a hole that was always there is now filled."

    Do you mean you liking a part of someone that they weren't aware? Or the fact that someone likes a part of you and making you fell a whole / not so empty?

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    I for one want that kind of relationship. I want to give myself fully, even if that means dying for her and by her hands. Yes.

    So you had relationships in the past but none of this would go as far as this feeling?


  • BEST REPLIES

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    No, it is more like... It is like... Maybe you do feel incomplete right now. Maybe you don't but through the experience you realize you definitely were incomplete. And now, like when you feel her presence, you suddenly feel like you need nothing in the world anymore. Like all needs are gone. Like you are complete. At least on a worldly level. You also don't feel that burning desire (only when you don't feel her presence), you feel fulfilled. Kinda happy. But mostly fulfilled. Or rather complete. Like a part of you that was always missing is now there.

    Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense 🤷

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    No no, this is not a feeling. This is my idea of marriage, it is something I and her together can do.

    I was just asking cuz that extreme idea of yours is a thing that is always present in my relationships but it's also something that vanishes eventually if a new person shows up, so it's not specia and bound to a single person.


  • BEST REPLIES

    @petrapark3r said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @Lurker said in How to recognize the right one?:

    Then yes, this is exacly why I feel like I can't ever be happy if I don't find "someone". Cuz I feel this emptyness that you speak about but as soon as I find someone life tastes different and it feels like it makes a different sense 🤷

    Yes, I had a feeling that is how you experience your relationships. I kind of can understand that now. But do you feel completed by your relationships, fulfilled too or is it "just" a new color, more life, but not 100%? you know what I mean?

    I know what you mean and the 1st one felt 100% when i was in it, but then the next one felt 100% and when you thought about the differences and such, I feel the 2nd one feels much more home



  • @OliveOlivia said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r There will always be someone more good looking, more smart, and other things, and though the person you think is the one may not be perfect, they will feel perfect to you. They may not be the best looking, but they will look the best in your eyes.

    I kind of hope that it would be like that. And I hope that you personally, in a subjective sense, will experience it this way. But my spidersense tingles... In all honesty I believe that the one will not feel perfect, or look perfect – and I'm rather certain that there are many relationships where this is the case. But...

    The relationship will not be perfect, but its the only one you want to be in. That's what I think the one is

    I can fully agree with this. You'll want no other. You'll know he's the right one. You don't need someone better looking, or smarter, or more romantic, because when you're really close to them, you feel all those needs just disappear and you're content to have just him, just the one. Finally found him, finally at home...



  • @DAD_ said in How to recognize the right one?:

    @petrapark3r

    Nothing lasts forever. Especially sexual Love.
    But what stays with you till your last breathe is Respect.

    Agreed that physical attraction, the sexual side of love will eventually fade. But I'm not so sure that only respect would remain. I can imagine tenderness to stay, a pleasure in the other's presence, maybe even devotion... Well, like, all the other things that make up love, apart from sexual interaction...

    Instead of wasting your energy and time in finding 'the one'
    Strive to become a person, who can be respected.
    Who knows his priorities in life.
    Who has control over himself, emotionally and physically.
    And who, is capable of being loved.

    Well said.

    And when that morbid realisation strikes, that 'they are not the one.'

    You will not find Mr. Perfect walking this earth, and the one you may think is Mr. Perfect will turn out not to be for sure, yeah...

    I don't think it has to. I hope I have made it clear that I do not understand the one to be Mr. Perfect.

    Then begin to love their uniqueness. While maintaining, your standards and priorities in life.
    This is one test, to not only decide your love for them, but also what you, as a person really are..
    Because if you truly ever loved them, then you would respect them, till the worlds end.
    And if you leave them, at this point. Then my friend, you are nothing but a person driven by his hormones, who falls for the first thick ass he sees.
    : )

    Agreed, affection, tenderness and all those other things won't always be there. You cannot rely on them to carry you through. Love is what you do, when no good feelings drive you anymore.

    But I don't think they have to die completely. In fact I'm rather certain you can keep them alive. Not in every hour, maybe not every day. But I think they should be there in a real marriage...






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