Guilty older crush

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    ``Hi everyone. It's my first time here and I really have to get something tabu off my chest that is eating me up..
    I'm a 25 year old female and I have a boyfriend (he's 32 years old) whom I love very much and see myself with for years and years to come. My problem is that I have a very intense crush on someone else a well, someone I work with almost once per week. It's awful to be having these intense romantic feelings towards that other person and what makes it even worse is that he is a divorced 47 year old family man.
    Appearance wise I would never have guessed he's a day over 38 and mentally we connect very well and always have very interesting discussions. I truly enjoy his company and he makes me feel special somehow. But yeah.... It's sooo wrong. 
    When I picture his smile, those blue eyes, those sexy smile lines and the way he's both comfortable and edgy... I feel so attracted, giggly and also so very ashamed. I really *want* him. Like, I can't stop fantasizing about what it would be like to kiss him, to be caressed by him, to sleep with him.
    I think he's feeling it too on some level (although probably not as bad as I have grown to) by the way he turns to me in any group conversation, sits down with me alone, gently flirt by sharing things like his last girl was actually 15 years younger than him, that age is just a number, he's shown me pictures on his phone on previous characters in his acting career, he looks me in the eyes for way too long and smiles way too much... I'm consciously not being flirtatious in my speech but I guess I'm not perfect at hiding my body language when he's near. Feels like he's kinda on the verge of ultimately figuring out that I'm attracted to him and I'm freaking out... 
    This is such a fucked up situation and I just wish these feelings would stop and that the world was different and t**bolded text**hat it was OK to have it all. I'm so frustrated.

  • how long you and your bf been together?

  • Sorry for the weird text format. My phone is very bugging lately and the website wouldn't cooperate.

  • @brandflakes We've been together for a little more than 3 years now

  • is he very sexually active?

  • @brandflakes we live far apart so we only get to have sex a few times a month 😕

  • @brandflakes Or did you mean my crush?

  • ah thats the problem with long distance relationships to be honest three years ia a long time and one of you shouldve moved closer to each other by now imo

  • no hes your coworker so i assume he lives close by

  • Do you plan to have kids?

  • @brandflakes Agreed.. So it's kinda impossible to know if I'm having this annoying crush because I'm feeling lonely or if it's more to it. Been waiting forever to move in to my bf -.-

  • to be honest it may be because youre lonely and need company sex is a need that humans have so id do one of a few things 1 finally get your asses in gear and finally move in

  • if you plan to have kids one day this older male maybe a problem since hes much older than you he may have erectile dysfunction or he may not even produce sperm anymore at one point

  • @brandflakes In a perfect world, yes, it would be amazing to have kids and I'd genuinely love to be a mom. But I kinda see the world as pretty dark and don't have the heart to bring innocent lives into the misery. Maybe if my partner longed as much as I to raise a child but he doesn't so that's that..

  • have you thought of adoption?

  • cause trust me those kids have been through a lot foster kids as well its really hard for those kids when they turn 18 most go homeless

  • @brandflakes Could be the case. I've always had a pretty strong sex drive as well so it makes sense that it's contributing to my inappropriate fantasies

  • uhm its a lil embarassing to tell you this but id suggest stepping up how much you self pleasure yourself and see if you have the same attraction to him

  • @brandflakes I've thought about it and my mind is set on not starting out as a single mom. My childhood was not the best and if I was to have children (adopted or my own) I'd have to have a man that also want children and is willing to commit. But I also don't want to be with someone I'm not in love with just to have babies so yea probably not gonna have kids unfortunately.

  • @brandflakes hehe, thank you for the advice. Been stepping it up as of late but I just can't get him out of my mind. So annoying

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