Deep Discussion on Relo's

  • I hit my girlfriend today, it wasnt the kind that physically hurt but I know it hurt in another way. I thought I had a right cause her words were hurting me and they were intentional where as I pushed her as a result of the hurt I felt from her mouth. Self defense mechanism as you might put it but not the kind thats permitted or encouraged. I regret it. Mostly I regret yelling and allowing my emotions to take control when I should have walked away cooled off and came back to live another day. The cost of my actions are my self loathing and her fragile heart locked away from me as she crys inside herself. I tell myself I tried but I didnt try hard enough.

    I love her. All I can feel now is her hurt and her ahua and mana shrivelled into a small pea. Usually I help it flourish. I do. As hard as it might be to believe after Ive just explained how Ive hurt her. But I love her and my heart feels her pain, encompassed in all the moments I ignored her when I should have showed love. I whisper in the wind come back to me.

    She is not my possession. I think that is whats so confusing for some. Our hearts decieve us into feeling this way. Before me it was only her in choosing to love me she has decided to share her life with me not give it. I understand this and I love her

    Usually I hit myself but lately Ive been pushing her or nudging her. Just because of pure angst from the emotions that emerge when she says certain things. I always knew that I would love hard. I didnt realise that the anger and hurt would be felt as hard too.

    What do I say to her now?

    She has a right to feel safe.

    She has a right to feel safe.

  • Hitting her was wrong, and you do realise it. But since you said "but lately, I've been pushing her or nudging her", you need to ask yourself if there is a slight chance that you would repeat this again? If the answer is Yes, you need to go to her..and tell her that you're going to a psychiatrist/counsellor right now and that it'll never be case again. I do realise that you are regretting your action but most of the regrettable actions that we take are in 'the heat of the moment'. And this is what needs to be cured, unless you're confident in your willpower that it won't happen again. You need to make her feel safe no matter what.. if it means going to a counsellor or doctor, then just do it. Follow up on your words.. Merely feeling regret is not enough.

    I personally went through this phase too where whenever someone insulted me, I slapped or shouted or hurt them no matter how important that person was in my life. But I later realised that I had lost too much due to my anger and decided that Enough is Enough and this needs to stop. I tried controlling my anger and anxiousness through sheer willpower and it has worked wonders for me. Yoga, Meditation and A running session helps my mind to clear out and releases all stress. I hardly feel anger these days, and its safe to say that my life has changed for good. You might as well try 'em too, it might help. And as of now, I believe you need to tell her that this won't happen again and follow up your words with some stern action.

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