Help me. I feel myself slipping away.



  • I am having trouble caring about things i should. I have no job. I am in constant pain from chronic sinus issues and migraines. I have no health insurance. I have no children. I’m lonely, but i choose to be. Plenty of guys try to beg for my attention or to get in my pants. Some offer to help me but i turn them down despite how badly i need the help because i want bothing else from them and i dont want to be with them. Family is not the greatest and can’t/wont help me. I’m scared of seeing a therapist. I dont trust anyone. I have a best friend but we arnt exactly the ideal friendship. We are basically all we have for friends because we cant seem to hold friendships with anyone else. I just want to give up on life. My “best friend” feels the same way. We can barely advise eachother. I dont want to kill myself, but i wish this would all end. Or someone else could take over my body and do what I can’t with it.



  • @shadowstardust82

    That's what is like to be depressed. It's up to you to find a way to fight it or give in.
    Sometimes I feel like giving up as well, it's just easier to stay in bed, to not see or talk to anyone, to say "fuck y'all" to the whole world. But what would that bring? Closure? Rest? Who knows? Have you died? Do you know what's like to be dead?
    We only have a life, might as well try to do something with it, the best we can, no matter how shitty life can be, it's the only we have.
    Depression can make us push ppl away and make it feel like everyone is a bother, but i'm sure that someone will be able to melt that icy wall that depression creates. Or so I hope. Always willing to listen so if you need dm me.



  • @shadowstardust82 hey, i think its okay to have a shitty life. To be honest, i myself am in a similar position like you. No job, lonely, have to take care of parents, can't seem to work anything out and desperately waiting for life to come through. Lately, nothing interests me. Movies, friends, trips, studying, chilling, nothing. I feel this nothingness and uselessness about me. I wonder if I'll ever get out of it. Even I don't feel like killing myself but I wish all this ends real quick. But yes, I still have hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. I try to keep myself busy to avoid getting negative ideas. I know what I just wrote isn't very helpful to you but i just want you to know that you're not alone. There are many like us. So, just hang in there. A little longer. Who knows if tomorrow is the day we finally defeat our demons. Like Forrest Gump's mama says- " life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get"



  • @mr-h

    Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post..

    I’ve gone through alot, though i know people have gone through worse.

    But i have pushed through my depression soo many times. I feel like ive been fighting it all my life since i was a child... and it is only getting harder and harder.

    It is so hard to get out of my apartment that i am lucky enough to be in because of a income based government program... but i feel stuck. Every time i get a job something that is out of my control happens. People hate me for doing things correctly or too well. People hate me for rejecting them and cause drama/issues. Or higher ups place blame on me and others for their fuck ups and i end up quitting because i cant handle the stress.

    When im not too depressed i like to keep things clean in my apartment and do my make-up and my hair and go do something. Or play my video games.

    But I'm where i dont find interest in anything right now. Other than a few shows that help me pass the time.

    I’m currently trying to get over my millionth sinus infection. Been on two different antibiotics and it still isnt gone... im supposed to go back to the doctor to get ANOTHER fucking antibiotic. Im fucking immune to them by now!! Like wtfff.

    I keep thinking maybe if i wasnt in so much pain i could stop being so depressed.... but ive been this way when I wasn’t feeling sick.

    Guys and love don’t interest me much anymore. I feel a bit dead inside... but i know that isn’t completely true. I have emotions and feelings still. I still care to an extent..

    I just can’t seem to be attracted to most men that are probably genuinely nice guys who actually care about me and would treat me right. And those i find attractive, i still don’t feel like I’m right for anyone. I am so negative and depressed i would only bring them down. So i dont want to even give them a chance they will just end up regretting.



  • You need to hang in there, I've been suffering from depression for many years and went a long time refusing help, until I hit rock bottom. Trust me get some help it's really worth it, I would never have talked about this before I got assistance.



  • @shadowstardust82

    Yes, that's exacly how it feel. Thinking and knowing that others have gone tho worst doesn't really help as our problems still persist and it's not like hope is restored, as everyone "feels", "suffers" and "reacts" their own way. For someone a broken heart could be much less painful then a broken arm, I would take a broken arm anytime over a broken heart..

    Didn't it never get better at some point? There was never a time you could breath off it? It has really just been downhill? If you look back can't you feel there wasn't a single time you felt "happy" to the full extent of the word? I can think of a few times (I can count them with a single hand) but those times makes me believe I somehow can end up filling another handfull of those experiences.

    That's just life. Ppl will try to screw you when you are or do things too well. Ppl are too self-centered that if they find a way to put the blame in someone else, they will. It's not a personal attack, it's just human nature. Not everyone is like that and those ppl should be the one you show a middle finger and send them off. (P.S. Don't middle finger your bosses or superiors if you value your job 😂)

    When we are depressed we should do what WE think it's the best and what makes US feel better. No what others think it's best or what is "politically" correct, so you aren't doing it wrong, you are just trying to cope with how you feel, being with lots of cleaning, making yourself look prettier, gaming, etc. I, myself, only feel "in peace" at the gym / exercising lately.

    I wish I could relate with health problems, I never had em, i'm bless to always have had a healthy lifeline, so that's the only one thing I could never relate. One of my exs has fibromyalgia and I had to deal with that daily and I lived with her and the hardest part was putting myself in her shoes...

    We all have that "human" rib, we all "feel" and "care" some just take a bigger "bang" to get it going. When we numb ourselves for too long it's common to have that happen. It's a painful and long process to "unnumb" (is that even a word? 🤔) but when we reach the finish line it will be worth. As cheesy as it sounds and I speak for myself, I rather feel pain then nothing at all, and by pain I mean, love, hate, lust, desire, overall "feelings".

    Let them choose what they want, don't choose for them. Some ppl are like that, aren't afraid to "get their hands" dirty.



  • @mr-h

    I used to do yoga and exercises at home. Haven't much at all lately.. Ha. Can't seem to muster up any energy or self-motivation. And I can't stand gyms. I hate working out Infront of anyone.. Sigh



  • @shadowstardust82

    But there was times u had hope ad happiness, there was an upward movement, those times can persist, for longer periods of time, hell! they can persist for a lifetime, those are the moments you should live for!

    Can totally relate with the "love and jealousy" feeling. When I see younger ppl or even ppl from my age, with a stable relationship, a decent upward job, a house and preparing to be parents I feel jealous as well. My parents were somewhat of a role model for me, they started to work early, married early and got kids (me then my brother) early as well. I'm 27 and they are in their 50's. They were parents for a while when they were my age and already been married for quite a while, and here I am single as fuck potato, boring/not challenging job still trying to figure life up. It's as I said, sometimes I just wanna bury myself in my blanket and not get out of it, hybernate... But I know it won't bring me anywhere, I'll try to be hopefull and look for the bright lights the future can hold!
    Hold on to those feelings! The positive ones. If you had an upward moment, make it count the next one and try to keep it stable and raising. The love for some of your family, keep it up as well. Ppl that do care for you will understand, respect and support you, cuz no matter how little they understand you, they love you. But the best tresure is finding someone where you don't need a full page essay to explain yourself and they still somehow get everything you are feeling.

    Not sure if any of what i'm saying is making sense 🤔



  • @shadowstardust82 i dunno what to say to u. I feel stuck myself. I hardly get out of the house. I've got many friends but i havnt met them in a long time n i don't talk to them. I got a big family, some ppl who live alone n are lonely envy that but i just wanna run away from here. Guess I'll be like you if i decided to stay alone n away from my family.
    I just hope you feel better.



  • @wildwallflower

    Thank you. I hope we both can start feeling better.



  • @shadowstardust82 said in Help me. I feel myself slipping away.:

    At least until there is no longer anything worth living for. And then I'll just have to suck it up and off myself.

    WRONG. You will always have sex need to keep looking for other things worth in life when that happens!

    @nanimo said in Help me. I feel myself slipping away.:

    Ever tried having a better relationship with god maybe that could help u get some inner peace

    Cringed so hard after reading that 🙄



  • @mr-h

    😂😂🙈

    Sigh. Yes sir. salutes

    And ugh. Same. Don't get me started on religion dude. I'm an atheist. 😒



  • @mr-h

    As do I, but when debating politics as well. But I have found that some people do not know how to debate or open their minds to educate themselves or broaden their points of view... So I tend to get name called and me being a very defensive person, does not like to tolerate it. I tend to argue back and the stress consumes me. So I try to avoid debating and arguing with others these days. Not giving a shit and being numb has been a real help in that regard. Sometimes I can't help myself though. 😅🤦🏻♀



  • @shadowstardust82 so what have you decided? Don't you wanna get out of this? Or you just wanna go on with this n 'wait for death to come to you'? Nothing's impossible, you can get outta this if YOU WANT TO. Where there's a will, there's always a way.



  • @wildwallflower

    I haven't decided on anything yet. Like I said, I don't want to kill myself, I just want to give up on everything. I'm tired of Fucking trying... The only things I find worth trying to live longer for is to watch the next season of Game of Thrones.. Or the next episodes of any of the shows I like. Which means I have to do whatever I can to make sure my internet is paid for and so on. But, I can barley leave my apartment without having a panic attack.. Or try to push myself to get another shitty job.



  • @mr-h

    There have been a few times that gave me hope and happiness... It hasn't been completely downhill.. But it seems to be an up and down decline..

    Seeing my little sister have a better life than I have had brings me happiness but also a bit of jealousy... She got pregnant even though she is much younger than me and for her age.. But she was lucky to have a son with a boyfriend who is good to her and has the means of providing for her. She has never had to deal with the health issues I have and has always been someone with a bright and outgoing personality. I envy her life.. But I'm also happy for her and love her. And I absolutely love my nephew. He is literally the cutest thing I've ever seen. I want to be a good aunt to him.. Seeing him makes me happy..



  • @mr-h

    Right. And you're good. I understand what you're trying to say and I agree. I guess I just need to vent... And stop being a Fucking child and push myself more. It's just so hard sometimes. Especially for me lately. I just need to keep reminding myself of the things that make everything worth it for me... At least until there is no longer anything worth living for. And then I'll just have to suck it up and off myself. 😂😂😅🤦🏻♀



  • @nanimo

    I grew up raised to be a Christian, but I refuse to believe in fictional characters and stories that were plagiarized by ancient stories much much older and used for political gain and to control masses with fear and "hope".



  • @shadowstardust82

    Good girl! pets your head 😂

    I'm an atheist as well. And Religion just triggers me, I often find myself laughing after debating about religion with my parents. 😂



  • @mr-h

    Same. Religion and politics are huge triggers for me. 🤦🏻♀

    I'm no longer on speaking terms with a few family members and ex friends because of such. 😐





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