thoughts I Have in my notebook. part 1 (PLEASE READ THIS) *warning* its cringe
@Ragnar @US-poet @Evan-Elderson @KorgLife17 @WtfJudith read this please and thank you.
when you see this ( blank blank ) it means I add a note. or [this] it means cant reveal it due to personal info.
5:42 PM - Whenever I listen the Dunkirk OST- Variation 15 by Benjamin Wallfisch and Hans Zimmer.
it amuses me that I should give my most epic motivating speech before I die.
it is ironic to me because Christopher Nolan movies have such ambitious tone to his endings. Loud
Orchestra instruments, heavy voice over lectures, characters standing in medium shot or full shot,
teasing potential sequels. ( go watch example of interstellar ending, the dark knight ending and
What is worried you?
him, my son............my newest son, cain
he's too close to my heart
that is worries me
life is like peeling off layers of onion
each layers of onion you peeled off, it reveals new things about you
new lessons you have learned and new chapter of your life.
(My co-worker at pizza hut who is 69 years old told me about that after we talk about
what's moving forward after you graduated high school and I think he gave me advice)
Me inside of my own head they don't talk to me
they talk to me when I'm outside of my head.
( I was fucking bored and start writing nonsense. by the way I listen
pink Floyd brain damage while I'm writing this part)
[MY REAL FULL NAME] I must admit to myself, that is weirdest name I've
been giving for. I saw the names, can't help it to change it. I don't know what else
would fit perfectly.
it sounds like boys name. not a man's name. I want a name of first and last meaning
wise, change/revelation, lonely, reasonable, and difficult to be with someone.
I am getting off topic.
oh boy, every man needs a liquor bottle for buying their some time.
saying their deepest wounded words.
of course, every mans need a best friend. a fucking dog.
If I'm lone wanderer, at least I can who talk to.
express your feelings
writing down your word of thoughts
on the paper is harder than drinking a beer can for first time.
( oh shit that is some fucking bad writing. I can imagine Orson Welles reading this
and that is scary to me. I could hear Orson Welles laughing at me now.)
that's it for now and again thank you for reading my thoughts.
DEPRESSION (long poem) READ THIS IS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!
@RAGNAR @Abby-83 @US-poet @TalkWithStranger @Layla @wtfjudith @Stranger_Danger
@Evan-Elderson @heyitszoey @TheStrangest @kayisforeign @willow @Lucifer @catwoman
@YoursBucky @BOOTS22 @sup @DramaQueen read this please its important
Depression is monkey curse, lives inside of you
the feeling of negative psychological and lacking of emotions
living on reclusive island, nobody cant reaches me
and I'm still waiting for new notifications
the feeling of been defeated
the feeling of hatred and heated
Depression is scissors, ready to cut open your heart apart
My hopes and happiness fades out as like light bulb die and depart
do I have to sewing it together with needles and strings not an band aid?
I do not have a perfect requirement as my grandmother's crafted hand
too late, her longest elderly year, meet with death until her last breath and be away'd
soon, my soul and my body will fall on the ground of sorrowful land
Depression hits you at any time
all of my thoughts were trembling and worrying
but I stood like a dead statue of King Lear and postponed to stop my troubling mind
Depression puts me in cold sleep
and I cannot hold in all of my emotions, so I weep
in my darkest dream, depression blocks the source of light
and I cannot see, can't win a fight
Depression is testing your fate
if I open a sacred notebook of my entire life written in pages, I would carrying my own weight
date on top left corner of the page for your recorded days
time on the right besides your pinpoints for remembering the moments you've had spent
My philosophy of afterlife, the choice is yours will be forever and desire until the end of midnight
if you die in depression and believing in lies, you'll sell your notebook to hell and meeting with Lucifer
if you die in happiness and truth seeker, you'll give out to heavenly bright and feel his heart of Lord Jesus Christ
Depression is our second best friend
In during epic sweeping wind in the sky, will you hold my hands until the end?
In lonely afternoon of Rome, would you visit my home to see I'm having complete meltdown?
Depression can you kill me without pain or bleeding?
one last thing before I say farewell
will you write me a letter without an excuse of leaving?
if someone receive my letter, would you leave me?
a brutish suicide expressing my wounded words
and I hear lovely sounds of two or more bluebirds screaming
Depression you're my Jack Daniels, to drowning myself in poison of sea!
is it possible?
an physical form of depression holds a silver dagger knife, can he kill me while I'm dreaming?
thanks for reading my well effort poem
click a upvote for like my poem
reply comment down below if you find this cringe or worst poem you'll ever read
and I would to say special thanks @US-poet for fixing some of my typos
and correct any errors of writing form.
DEPRESSION POEM ( THE FINAL VERSION )
@WtfJudith @heyitszoey @RAGNAR @Evan-Elderson @KorgLife17 @NutellaBigGoat
@im-a-bae @Zoobie @Willow @US-poet @ObviouslyLucifer @DamnCuteGuy
@Rendezvous @DA-PIC @mars @bunny @Abby-22 @BOOTS22
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS OLD POEM I MADE??
WELL THIS ONE IS TOTALLY RE-WRITTEN BY THE MASTER @US-poet
PERSONALLY I THINK THIS IS BETTER THAN MINES.
DEPRESSION is a monkey curse that lives inside of me
feeling so negative psychologically torturing and my emotions become lacking
living on a reclusive island where nobody can reach me
and Im still waiting here for new notifications
the feeling of being defeated
the feeling of hatred and im not healing
DEPRESSION is like a pair of scissors ready to cut open my heart
my hopes and happiness fade out like a light bulb that's burn't and fell apart
do i have to sew it back together with needles and strings and use more than
just a band aid?
i dont have require perfection unlike my grandmother's crafted hands
but its way too late for her she lived her longest elderly year met with death
until her last breath and she been taken away
and soon my soul and my body will follow
and fall on the ground away from this sorrowful land
DEPRESSION hits me at anytime and it's unexpected
it causes all of my thoughts to be trembling and worrying
but i stood there like a statue of King Lear
and postponed to stop my troubling mind
DEPRESSION is constantly testing my fate
if i open up a notebook of my entire life i'd find written in the pages
that i've been carrying my own weight
the date is on top left corner of the page of my recorded days
the time is on the right it pinpoints the memorable moments that i've spent
my philosophy of the afterlife involves the choices that you've made
that can last forever and the desires that you get that sometimes only
last until midnight
if you die in DEPRESSION and believe in the fibber
you'll sell your notebook to hell and meet with Lucifer
if you die in happiness and seek the truth
you'll reach out to the heavens that are so bright
and feel the heart of our lord Jesus Christ
DEPRESSION is my second best friend
in during a sweeping wind in the sky will you hold my hands until the end?
in a lonely afternoon in Rome would you visit my home
to see when i'm having a complete meltdown
DEPRESSION can you kill me without pain or bleeding?
one last thing before i say my final farewell
will you write me a letter without giving me an excuse of you leaving?
if someone receive my letter would you leave me?
A brutish suicide expressing my wounded words
and i hear lovely sounds of two or more bluebirds screaming
DEPRESSION your're my Jack Daniels drowning myself in a poisonous sea!
is it possible? an physical form of DEPRESSION holds a silver dagger
can he at least kill me when I'm dreaming?
Storytime (Kid-Friendly Shit)
When Shit Goes Downhill (Part 1)
BASED ON A TRUE STORY; NOT ALL STORYLINES AND DIALOUGE ARE CANON
"Did you finish your homework?" Kat asked me when we walk into math.
"Since when are YOU worried about homework?" I asked back to the girl standing with her back against the classroom wall.
"I..." She eyed me up and down. "I dunno."
I give her a weak smile as I walk up to my desk and sit down. Kat sits in the seat to the left of me.
The tardy bell rings and sure enough, everyone's in class.
"Today students," Mrs. Danielle starts as everyone takes their seat. "...we will be learning about circumference and what we use it for. Now, while I hope you finished your homework, it will not yet be graded. Just turn it in when class dismisses. Now, we take this equation here."
She writes an equation on the board: C=2A^2.
"Now what this means is that..."
Mrs. Danielle continues on and on about a measurement that will only benefit you by teaching you how to measure your balls. I tune out her voice when I notice movement to my left. I look over. A guy in short, red hair starts to play with Kat's hair. She constantly moves his hand away or kicks at him, but he doesn't stop. Am I the only one who sees this? What only felt like seconds was actually to the end of the period. The next thing I knew, the bell rang and Kat was standing by my side.
"Um... Jay?" She waved her hand in front of my face to get my attention. "Jay!"
I look up at her, then down at my paper. It was blank. Kat was also looking at my paper.
"Wow," she said. "Spaced out the whole period, huh?"
I shake my head rapidly and stand. "Uh... Yeah, I guess." She giggled and trotted to the door and stopped.
"Come on, Jay. It's free period." Kat said.
We walked into the gymnasium and walked up to the top row. I sat down in a seat in the middle of the row, and Kat sat in the seat directly next to me. She took out her pen and notebook and began finishing her homework. She finally shut her notebook and turned to me.
"Jay, you know that thing I was gonna ask you?" she said to me.
"Oh yeah. What was it?"
She smiled and drew back her hair. "Well, recently I've just been so-"
Before she could finish, that red-headed freak slammed himself into the seat in front of us and turned around.
"Sooooooo... Whatcha two doin'?" he said as me and Kat gave him our usual look of disgust.
"None of your business, Damian!" Kat yelled.
"Aww... Did you know you're CUTE when you get all angry?" Damian taunted.
She glared at him and turned away. Damian turned to me.
"Do it and you're dead." I said as he opened his mouth. He halted with two hands up, turned around and sat down.
"Fucking retarded asshole," Kat whispered to herself.
Twenty minutes later, a romance song played overhead in the speakers. Damian lifted his arns and reached upward. I looked down at what he was doing, then over at Kat. She was hugging her knees to where her backside and back legs were exposed to any touch. He turned around to look at me.
I mouthed, "What the fuck do you want?"
He smirked and reached higher, higher, higher... Then he rubbed his hand on the back of her thigh... And ass...
I stood up and he shot his hand back. I jumped down the row in front of us and struck my fist across his jaw with a loud crack. He fell on the floor then turned back at me in time to see the the back my heel...
I just wanted to express how I've been feeling recently
I think you might enjoy this the most(you can skip to the beginning if you don't care about the music)
I know most of you won't finish this but I hope you enjoy the reality of my situation hopefully expressed as mild poetry
Hi guys I'm a 15 year old kid starting from today as it was my birthday
I'd like to give a mini mini mini recap of my life.
I'm Palestinian, born in syria, after the war immigrated to Bulgaria and after trouble there (assassination of my dad's best friend) moved to France and I've spent 2 years here so far.
That's why I speak Arabic, Bulgarian, French and English(from the media, I've never been to an English speaking country) fluently.
I am also learning German, Greek at school and a tiny little bit of Japanese because I do karate and used to be an otaku
[ @Depressed-Salad here's a mini intro to $UICIDEBOY$. Lol I'm sure it's clear why their music is used in many AMVs. The ones i mentioned are very sombre (dark In french) but don't worry they have many different songs]
I have a play list with 100+ of their songs and it's really the only thing I've been listening to recently. These are about 50% of the names of the 2 band members
I have related very much to the final part of this lyric lately
Sunk back in the driver's seat
Blunt between my lips
I'm riding with a bitch that's high as me
She ducking out
She trying to sleep
I'm ducking out
I'm trying to see the road
But all I can see are four horsemen
Coming closer to me
I think I'm about to die, we'll see
Swerving on them motherfuckers, bitch
It ain't my time
Let the world blow up first
Then I might just close my eyes
It's all I really wanted my whole life
The universe won't notice, bitch
You just another life, the sun'll rise
The stars have already died
The part I relate with the most:
Not to mention this song that I know by heart and is stuck in my head hopefully like a bullet will be in the future:
My favourite 3 lines are
"I'm matter but I don't matter"
"Always boasting my emotions on how I'm so fucking broken
Think I'm joking when I'm talking about blowing my head open"
"If life's a game of inches then my dick has been the biggest and my goal's to fuck the world until that motherfucker's twitching"
This week on Wednesday after pulling an all nighter for a 2h math test and a lot of other work, did the test which was on Wednesday(8:00-12:00 schooldays, test from 10:00-12:00), found it pretty easy, got home, passed out asleep on the couch and then woke up 2-3h later with temporary memory loss, holding my head from worry thinking that I had missed the test i just did along with the other classes, limping around the house from fatigue until I realised 10 min later that I didn't miss it and finally stopped clutching my head so damn hard. Let's not forget that 1 later at about the same time(9 pm) after pulling a 2nd consecutive all nighter right after the memory loss insedent for some other test I looked around my room and realised I've lost one of the most important things in my life and couldn't remember the last time I saw it or used it so I preceeded to walk out the door beginning to ugly cry the moment I left the building. I then walked in the middle of the road not giving a shit about who sees me, kicking light poles and punching walls all the while limping a type of traumatic stress disorder walk. After 30 min of that I decided to play some sports to cheer me up and ended up doing my first 10 sec armstand then got home. What was in the bag you might ask?
1°A Bruce Lee book detailing kali(a martial art with sticks often 1 stick in each hand) and nunchuku techniques
2° 2 nunchuku
3° 2 sticks I found that somehow perfectly fit what kali sticks are supposed to be
4° 400+ cards of all the attacks and kata (passed down codified attacks in a dance form type thingy) of Judo and Karate with the Japanese names on 1 side of the card and the English names and pics/drawings of the movements on the other side. These cards took me 5 months to finish, 30% of them hand drawn and 70% printed and all names being hand written after sophisticated research and are made to revise the Judo/Karate movements whilst I'm not in the Karate dojo(I don't go to a Judo dojo) by looking at one side of a the cards and guessing the other side randomly or chronologically.
5° 2 drawing notebooks I was planning to use for drawing more techniques in the future
6° A hand written notebook full of 450+ Japanese words used in Judo and Karate
The things in the bag cost at least 80€. I lost them as a result of my memory loss after the 2 all nighters. You should not think for a second that I was just reckless towards the 2nd most important thing I own after my phone. After Friday which was a pretty normal day where I just searched for the bag in school, my dojo, my house and im 99% sure that I'm not gonna find it.
Saturday was just me depressed and crying watching YouTube video
Today which is Sunday(Monday 2:30 AM now so technically yesterday)
Is my birthday
I have cried today
I have felt more depressed than I've ever felt in my whole life and I doubt that this is going to be what my usual birthdays are like ; where the year destroys me and completely drains me, renders me depressed, then my birthday replenishes my resources, energy and stops my depression. This birthday will not cheer me up and I will most likely continue living at the same tune of misery and rate of deteruration
I ate cake with my mom, dad, sister and a family made up of parents and a little girl which were complete strangers to me but amazingly friendly people and are my parents friends. The cake was delicious and that family brought me 3 bags of snack bars
Even though I told my parents that I'd rather the money. I wanted 3 things for my birthday, I can't afford a single one but if my parents had at least listened to me and gave me the money instead of buying a cake I could have afforded 1 of them but hey. At least i enjoyed eating it with friendly strangers.
I first wanted 2 things that cost a total of 50-65 € together
A mic = 25€-50€
And headphones which cost 27€ to learn music production
But now after loosing the bag I also wanted
- the most important things from it back which are the cards and nunchuks which would cost at least 37€.
I wonder if there will be a day where an amount money that would get me everything I ever needed (120€) will be something I spend on a daily basis. Of course there will but how much will it matter then when I've already wasted the most important years of my life on constant failure. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUUUUCK. If I will live a normal life span my life would have been pointless. So many people at death ask "why?", whilst a lot of them are asking "why did I die" most of them are asking "why the hell was I born at all". Whilst you know my opinions on "the meaning of life" which are that meaning is cosmically non-existent, autogenerated and disappears from the head of the person who created it when he dies. I don't want to live a pointless life, do not want to give my life a simple meaning and live a basic life. I dream big god damn it and I've always dreamed big. I'd rather fucking die than live a basic ass life working a 9-5(or whatever work hour that takes 1/3 or more from my day) job I don't like and didn't chose of course. What's the point in living a pointless life. Fuck that. The only thing I care about and keeps me alive is my parents and sister. If they'll be gone in the future I'd gladly fucking hang myself. The thoughts I thought to be just thoughts might cause me to do some crazy shit. My thoughts have been homicidal, suicidal, schemacidal and I have been a weak piece of shit. I need to get my shit together. This is what we call stream of consciousness writing. Just letting my thoughts flow onto the page. Fuck me. Fuck my life. I need to get my shit together, prevail and overcome. All I can do is move on, walk forward towards the edge of the plank and freeze
I'm finishing this at 3:15 AM on Monday
I have a test tomorrow and am just starting to study for it because I was talking with my BFF from Germany and she was 50% of what made my day(kinda it's still shit) and thought I should spend my time however I want on my BD.
For those who made it through the whole thing, here are some mêmes and a video mostly on the topic in hand to cheer you up
(My number 1 favourite comedian)
Extra(My number 5 favourite comedian):
If you are feeling stressed, what do you do?
I read my dreams notebook
Music, Movies and poems
Conjuring, me before you, notebook, mamma and twilight. No judging