Break up advice

[hurting1]

Just give it time?

My bf broke up with me this past week. We weren’t together long (only 6 months) but it sure was enough for me to catch the damn feelings bug with him. I honestly didn’t think I would have reacted the way that I did. Instead of being mad and angry at him, I was like “ok I understand”. The problem is that I don’t really know that I understand. The feelings I got from everything tends me differently.

Short version, we met at work and he was and still is technically married ( told the wife that he was filing for divorce and moved her to a different state with the kids before we even decided to evolve the relationship from just friendly talking to full blown I care about relationship stuff). Wife wife knew we were talking as friends, didn’t like it, stalked him at work to make sure he wasn’t with me, showed up at places thought he would be, hacked into his personal and work accounts to see what he was doing, etc.) she made him promise that he wouldn’t file the divorce until her documents were approved ( she is not a legal citizen) , that he kept her name associated with everything, she would call me it have the kids call me and try to threaten me stating that I must enjoy breaking up families, etc. and she made him promise that he would date anyone except me ( which obviously he didn’t want to do) because she thought I was the reason for the split. He has 3 kids with her all in their 20s and needless to say they aren’t happy about mom and dad splitting up especially with mom staying ask these things to them and making them believe it is true. They started taking it out on him, they are treating him like they will disown him now if he continues the relationship. Part of the problem as I see it is that he is really close to his kids, he is afraid they will really do that. My opinion is that I think that after everything is said and done they will readjust to whatever they do as parents. They will be mad, no doubt, but they are strong enough to get through and once the dust seemed and mom and dad are happy all will be just as good as it was just in a different setting. I have no doubt that they will always hate me or whatever but that is ok if that is how they feel about everything. As long as they are good with mom and dad, that to me is most important right now.

Things between me and the bf were great. We got along really well, we talked about everything, we were happy. Everyone said that they could “feel it” when we were with each other. The people that knew me kept stating that they had never seen me so happy in the years that they have known me.

Recently I left my job making things a bit harder on us in that we were used to sing each other at the office every day, we would vent about things, the morning hugs and kisses ritual, etc. I don’t believe this is the cause of the break up but it didn’t help either and I feel guilty about it. Afterwards We didn’t really talk as much, once maybe twice during the week and he showed up one night afterwards. When he came over everything was fine as normal but when he left in the morning things changed. I would try to call him, he would try to call me and we couldn’t get ahold of each other for sone reason. I finally spoke to him after about 6 days ( I sent him a message telling him I had been trying to call him and he replied saying he was testing to call me as well. He called early in the morning and I returned his call when I woke up). We are ok then and we talked one more time after that when he told me that the wife found that we were seeing each other. She saw that he was coming to my house and proceeded to cause some major drama with him regarding her and his kids. We are still in at that point. Fast forward to the weekend, he came home (to his home) and then was called out to fly so I didn’t see him when he got home. The next day (Monday) I was in the area to go to lunch with a girlfriend and they let him bite to come see me. Turns out he has a training event and couldn’t but wth. So I messaged him later in the day asking him to call me. He did, we had a normal conversation but then all of a sudden he told me that he had any of drama going on, that the kids were in a bad sky and he needed to get them out of it, that he needs to focus on them and he can’t be in a relationship. Note check not if I am wrong but want this An issue in the first place that we were sorting out? Regardless, I don’t she him any emotion, I told him that I understood, he asked me a could times not to be mad and I ended the phone call rather abruptly. Not best decision I have ever made.

After the phone call I lost it. Emotional train wreck is what I will call it, it was really bad. I have tried to get a hold of him once and my guy friends are telling me to let it be and to promise that I won’t do it again until he is ready. Which how am I supposed to know when he is going to be ready? I’m not a psychic or anything.

This is what I know… I am hurting, I am miserable and feeling sorry for myself, and I know that I can help him and help myself get over him by being with him. Everything aside. When I take out all the emotions/feelings/whatever my instinct tells me that he will be back sooner than I expect, I’m just not sure if it will be his own doing or if it needs someone else’s intervention (I’m hoping that isn’t the case). In either case my brain is a muddled mess (one minute I’m ok, the next I’m thinking about this or that, is he coming? Is he Not coming? What do I do if he does? Hurting convincing myself he might not. Ever heard of the phrase “nesting”? Yeah that was me all day yesterday just to convince myself what a fool I was being. But in the end was I really a fool?) I know, sounds a little psycho but I swear I am not and at the end of the day I’ll be ok and everything will work itself out it’s just the overthinking that I can’t get away from. Everything will be fine once it runs its course And maybe I just needed to vent and hear other people’s advice. Anyone have anything good or bad to say about this?

[Peek_A_Boo]

i didnt read it but send nudes

[babychic]

Its not easy I tell you. But you can do something. It wont be easy nor painless because believe me, it will be more hard and difficult to face the facts. But hey, you just really have to be strong enough to pull yourself together at this point.
Do everything you can to win him back it doesnt matter if your doing it over and over, dont stop as long as his also giving in someway, meaning he still wants you to help him hang on for both of you, BUT, if you feel like your the only one doing the things for both of you, and yet your hurting at the same time, just keep doing it, over and over, (you may call out friends for support, that is a big help in this stage) that time will come to you, when you can say your tired and you couldnt feel any pain anymore. That would be the time that you can just walk away without care. That moving on is just right there. Youll be alright after all that. Im sorry for what happened to you. Hope youll end up happy whatever it is you feel like ending up and have a peace of mind.