@hafan hey, I am here. I want to be you friend and I want to talk with you. If you accept my request. I am waiting for you..
The forest that keeps
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The wake I attend
So abruptly to rend
As I rise to The oaky feel
To a wound I must heal
A gaze upon the look of crimson
I realize a fate in This boreal prison
To arms I stand
Without weapon at hand
Come face me you fool!
I am no tool!
But the walls do not pay
For the attention I say
Come throughout halls a following night
Is this the truth of my own blight?
To hide my own in the maze a hood
As I am a part of this accursed wood -
Let me know what you think!
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Read in a g-man voice for better results
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@rabbitboy It's definitely a good start. Though, I'm maybe not the best person to be critiquing poetry, but I would recommend reading it aloud a couple times and see if there are any places you can place a comma, because I think that to create a better flow and rhythm for this poem you would need a few breaks or pauses.
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@jackie-green yeah my grammar with commas is rock bottom
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@rabbitboy Then, read it out loud and every time you take a pause while you're reading add a comma if there is no punctuation mark.
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Hope Great work you got here.. i learned a lot today^_^thanks for sharing...
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@saine123 comments like these make it worth making
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@rabbitboy so far so good, u definitely got potential so I'm looking forward to more, lol I love were u got ur inspiration from though 😂